Jeff Wysaski
Look buddy, I know your wife sent you in here to bring home that used 2005 Toyota Camry, but trust me, this vehicle is so much better. And I can tell by the look in your eye that you agree with me. So tell me, what’s it going to take to put you into this hot air balloon today?
You’ve kicked the basket, checked under the burner, even taken the old girl for a test spin. And judging from the constant clapping and squeals of delight you emitted throughout our entire ride, I’m pretty sure you love this vehicle. So what’s holding you back?
Are you worried your wife will disapprove? Because I can tell you right now you’re going to be a hero when you land on your roof in this wicked awesome hot air balloon.
Think about it: this hot air balloon has everything a Camry has…and SO MUCH MORE! Your wife wants good fuel economy right? Well this honey of a ride gets 100 miles to the tank of helium. And sure, the Camry may seat up to five comfortably, but that DELUXE sized wicker basket STANDS up to 10. That’s twice as much passenger space, for only a few hundred dollars more.
Also, I don’t think I need to point out that the hot air balloon is SHAPED LIKE A GIANT FREAKING TURTLE WEARING SNEAKERS AND A BOW TIE!
Talk about a chick magnet – this beauty of a machine is sure to ramp things up in the bedroom – wink, wink.
Now, I know you’ve got three kids, so obviously safety is a big deal. Let’s take a look at the numbers, okay? Last year, more than 100,000 Toyota vehicles were involved in a fatal accident. You know how many people died in a hot air balloon last year? TWO! Just two! And those jerks were French, so you and I both know we can chalk those deaths up to “user error,” am I right?
What’s that? No, you’re right. It probably won’t fit in your garage. But so what? You want this baby sitting out on your front lawn for the whole world to see!
And sure, the hot air balloon takes a little while to warm up in the morning. On a good day, you’re lucky to get her inflated and ready to go in 45 minutes. But just think of all the traffic you’re going to avoid! No more gridlock. No more construction zones. No more speed traps – and hey, better yet, no more DUI tickets (glug, glug).
Look I can see you want the hot air balloon. And you seem like a really nice guy, so I’m going to cut you a deal. How about I knock $200 off the MSRP? Plus, I’ll throw in this authentic Toyota ballooning scarf and wind goggles. And, what the heck, I’ll even throw in this vintage brass spyglass – it’ll be great for when you’re looking for a parking spot or flying over a nude beach.
So what do you say, buddy? Do we have a deal?
Yes!! Of course we do. Trust me friend, you just made the best decision of your life.
——
If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include: