Jeff Wysaski
Being a superhero is one of the most rewarding and fulfilling professions in the world. Sure, it may be stressful running around at all hours of the day putting a halt to supervillains and their endless plans for world domination, but it’s all worth it just to see the looks of gratitude on citizens and high-ranking city officials after a job well done.
Unfortunately, you can’t pay the rent with keys to the city or the laughter of little children (trust me, I’ve tried). As such, in today’s tough economy, even protectors of the free world need help putting food on the table, money in the bank or gasoline in the invisible airplane. If you are a superhero, trim your budget and stay out of debt with these simple money-saving tips:
Drive Less
Let’s face it, the price for a gallon of gasoline isn’t getting any cheaper. And, if you’ve got a tricked-out road machine that rockets from zero to Mach 6 in under three seconds, chances are you’re not buying unleaded. As such, it just makes sense to keep that crime-fighting machine in the garage as often as possible. Sure, taking the bus or subway to your arch-nemesis’ secret underground lair may not be the “cool” way to travel, but what you lose in style points, you more than make up for in fuel savings.
If you live on Monster Island, Asgard or a similarly secluded area that has no public transportation, you might consider carpooling with a friend or neighbor to cut down on gas. Also, if you can fly or run really fast, let’s not be lazy – hoofing it is a great way to get from point A to B.
Spend Less on Gadgetry
If your natural super powers need a little help from science, then you’re monthly bill for high-tech gadgets is probably pretty high. You can lower this bill by being more restrictive in your purchases. For example, be honest with yourself – do you really need that brand-new adamantium suit hanging in the window of the Montgomery Ward? Or will that old, tried-and-true carbonadium suit work just as well?
If you do have to buy new gadgets, consider buying used. It may take a little extra effort, but you’d be surprised how often you’ll find a perfectly good flaming sword or Helm of Nabu simply by digging through the bargain bin of your local thrift store.
Anything Can be a Cape
If you’re fighting crime on a daily basis, then it’s probably fair to say you’re spending a small fortune on spandex and flashy capes. However, why waste money on a bunch of store-bought capes when an old towel or duvet cover works just as well? Simply use a Sharpie to trace on your logo, tie it around your neck, and your new cape is all set to start flapping in the wind!
Get Rid of That Direct Line to the Commissioner
A phone line that only connects you to one person? In today’s modern world of cell phones, such an idea not only seems unnecessary, but inconvenient. As such, ditch that old-fashioned landline phone and get hooked up with a nationwide plan from your favorite major cell phone company. If you’re worried about all those emergency calls from the commish hogging all your minutes, consider going with T-Mobile and add him as one of your “Faves” to achieve unlimited calling. Then, program a unique ringtone to the commissioner’s phone number, and bingo – you’ve brought your red, blinking rotary into the 21st century.
Get a Roommate
If you’re a successful crime-fighter, chances are you live alone (unless you have a sidekick). Whether you’re living in a lavish manor in Gotham City or a studio apartment in Metropolis, take a cue from the Fantastic Four and get a roommate or two. You’re never home anyway, why not cut your rent in half and start sharing that space with someone who will actually be there?
Ditch the Secret Identity
Sure, a secret identity allows you to blend into the background and take part in day-to-day activities, but really, how necessary is a secret identity? If you cut the charade and just assume your superhero persona 24/7, you’ll save a fortune by not having to pay for a second wardrobe.
It might be tough at first to meet your friends for coffee at Starbucks or co-workers at the Daily Planet in full costume, but pretty soon it will all be water under the bridge. And if you’re friends turn out to not be cool about your true identity, well then who wants someone like that for a friend anyway?
Other Tips
Brown bag your lunch: Throw a backpack or fannypack on over your costume, and you can bring your peanut butter and jelly with you wherever you go.
Invest in liability insurance: It’s inevitable, you’re going to wreck the occasional city building or two. Invest in some good insurance and it will save you money in the long run.
Cut your own hair: You don’t need to spend $50 for a fancy haircut – it’s under a mask half the time anyway.
——
If you like this, then other humor blog posts you may like include: