Jeff Wysaski
There comes a point in any ninja assassin‘s career when the joy and adrenaline rush that comes from scaling a castle wall or sneaking up on an enemy and snapping his neck at close range just becomes another day at the office. If your recent missions have left you feeling bored or just plain unfulfilled, then it may be time for a career change. Other warning signs that might signal it is time to try a new career include:
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Career going no where? Leaving early or calling in sick from missions
- Neglecting to relish the kill
- Getting lazy and using a gun
- Getting stabbed or maimed due to lack of concentration
Statistics show that the average person changes careers at least three times during his or her lifetime. For those looking to transition out of a career as a ninja assassin, follow these simple steps:
Determine Potential Career Paths
Before giving up on your old life, it is important to assess your job skills and preferences to determine what type of new career you are qualified for. While everyone’s interests may be different, popular career fields for ex-ninja assassins include children’s karate instructor, door-to-door knife salesman, surprise party planner and library assistant.
Update Your Resume
Likely, the resume that got you your position as an assassin will need to be updated to cater to you new career path. As such, you may need to tweak your current resume to make yourself more marketable to a corporate environment. For instance, a bullet point that reads, “Collected the heads of 247 enemy soldiers” may need to be changed to read, “Met and exceeded my quarterly job quotas.” Similarly, ninja-centric job skills, such as the ability use a hollow reed to breath underwater, may need to be replaced with more relevant skills, such as typing speed (words per minute) and your level of proficiency in Microsoft Word.
Find a Job Before You Quit
It’s a good idea to line up a new job before leaving your current one. This can help diminish any period of unemployment. If you are a good ninja assassin, then you might consider using your superior stealth to search for a new employer during downtime at your current job. For example, if you find yourself hiding in a closet waiting for a foreign ambassador to return to his hotel suite so you can fill him full of throwing stars, then you might take that time to search the job postings of the local newspaper.
Or, if you and a horde of other ninjas are about to rappel down some ropes to ambush a small group of do-gooding heroes, then you might consider asking your colleagues for any job leads they may be aware of.
Ace the Interview
Once you have some job interviews lined up, it’s time to win over your new employer. To start, trade in that all-black ninja suit for a regular old suit and tie. Other tips that may help you during an interview include arriving 15 minute early, leaving the nunchuks at home, entering the office via the front door rather than a 3rd-story window and not murdering the interviewer.
Give Your Two Weeks Notice
Whether you’re working for a feudal prince or a Japanese street gang, it’s common courtesy to give two weeks notice before leaving your position. This is not only polite, but also allows your employer to line up another professional ninja to cover any upcoming tactical murders that may be in the works. Additionally, leaving your current job on a good note may result in a helpful recommendation to any future employers from your current prince or Yakuza boss.
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