Jeff Wysaski
Police officers are devoted to keeping you and everyone else in your community safe from the dangers of muggers, murderers and rapists. Because of this, they deserve to be made fun of by the general population (for some reason). If you’ve been struggling to show off to your friends just how much you disrespect authority figures, then it’s time to get with the program and learn how to properly make fun of a police officer.
Make References to Bacon
Cops are often referred to as “pigs.” Because of this association, any reference you can make to bacon, ham or other cuts of pork while in the vicinity of a police officer will immediately be met with laughter and high fives from your friends. Time-tested examples include:
- “Anyone else smell bacon?”
- “Oink! Oink!”
- “Hey guys, is that the former Attorney General and English philosopher Francis BACON over there?”
Talk About Donuts
According to TV shows and movies, police officers love donuts. This simple association is a great thing to play with when it comes to making fun of cops. For example, if you see a cop inside a donut shop, you can something like, “big surprise.” If you see a cop anywhere else but a donut shop, then you can say, “Shouldn’t those cops be at a donut shop?” Of course, you could take time to come up with some other, more unique donut reference, but why bother? These two statements are hilarious and guaranteed to be funny no matter how many times someone hears it.
Make Fun of the Uniform
Is the cop in your vicinity riding a bike and wearing really short shorts? If so, then you’ve just won the jackpot. Thanks to their ridiculous, emasculating uniforms, bike cops are the easiest type of officer to make fun of. In fact, you don’t even have to say anything to your friends to properly insult a bike cop – just point and laugh and you’ll be good to go.
Don’t Do it in Front of the Cop
The correct way to make fun of a cop is to do it so he or she doesn’t actually hear it. This is because you want to give the impression to your friends that you are a “badass” without actually being one. Make the mistake of letting the cop hear your insult, and you run the risk of getting arrested (or at the very least, talked at angrily) by the offended officer. As such, save your comments for when the cop is out of earshot. Then, feel free to brag on and on about how you WOULD have said it right to his face if it weren’t for one of the following reasons:
- You’re late to the gym to do push-ups
- You already humiliated a cop this morning and it’s getting boring
- You have to go home to watch Scarface