An Ogre's Introduction to Bridge Toll Collection

As an ogre living in the middle ages, there aren’t too many career options available to you. In general, the typical ogre can choose from the following career paths:

Oh boy! A customer! (art by Daniel Jones)

Of these options, bridge toll collector is perhaps the most lucrative. While salary will vary depending on both the location of your bridge and amount of foot traffic, a motivated ogre might expect a weekly salary somewhere in the range of 40 gold coins. If you are interested in becoming a bridge toll collector, read on to learn more about the many perks of this exciting career:

Benefits of Bridge Toll Extortion

The many advantages of extorting travelers out of money so that they can cross a bridge you happen to be standing on includes the ability to:

Qualities of a Good Bridge Toll Collector

If you are an ogre, then you likely already possess the first ingredient for success as a bridge toll collector: hideous facial features. Studies show that the uglier an ogre is, the more successful he is at intimidating his customers into handing over their money. Other qualities that tend to benefit a bridge toll collector include:

  • Good communication skills (English is better than grunts and growls)
  • Experience wielding a club
  • The ability to lift an average-sized adult male in full knight armor
  • Strong multitasking skills (remember, traveler will approach from BOTH sides of the bridge)

What Do I Need to Get Started?

Another advantage of becoming a bridge toll collector is the relatively low investment necessary to start your career. However, the successful ogre will need to purchase (or steal) a few items to improve his or her chances for financial success. These items include:

  • A bridge
  • A wooden club or tree stump (for threatening customers)
  • A sack of coins (so you can make change)

If you’re motivated, you might also want to making a sign that informs travelers how much you charge for allowing passage across the bridge (tip: to increase business, consider offering discounts rates for children and senior citizens).


If you liked this, then other humor blog posts you may like include: