How to Marry Your Pet

Do you love your pet? Has it ever bothered you that the two of you share the same living quarters without first sharing the holy sanctity of marriage? If you have any amount of moral dignity, then the answer is almost certainly, “Yes.”

Even if you don’t stand by the old rules of modesty when it comes to living with “that special someone,” there are many reasons someone might want to marry his or her pet. These reasons include:

  • The tax benefits
  • Your foreign dog or cat is seeking citizenship
  • Wedding presents
  • You’re tired of having your pet sleep in the extra bedroom every time your parents visit
  • You’re almost 40 and you made a pact with a friend that if the two of you were still single by this time, then you’d marry each other (and you really don’t want to marry him/her)

Regardless of reasoning, getting married to your pet is a natural and beautiful thing. To clear your conscious so the two of you can enjoy a lifelong relationship, simply follow these easy steps.

Move to Bali

U.S. law is notoriously outdated when it comes to marrying pets. As it turns out, the marriage laws related to dogs and cats were formulated at a time when most pets did not actually live in the house, but rather lived outside in yards or on farms. While most of our pets have since moved indoors, U.S. cohabitation laws have been slow to keep up.

Due to this fact, you cannot legally marry your dog or cat in the United States. As such, it is recommended you move to (or at least have your ceremony performed in) Bali. Here, marriage laws are more progressive.

Plan the Ceremony

While there’s nothing wrong with eloping, a wedding is supposed to be a joyous celebration shared with friends and family. There is a lot that goes into planning a wedding – and if you want to do it the traditional way, then you’re going to need to give yourself some time to get everything squared away. A few special things you may need to keep in mind include:

  • Picking out a cute tuxedo/dress for your pet
  • Registering for wedding gifts at Petsmart
  • Finding a ceremony location that allows pets (consider an outdoor wedding)
  • Writing your wedding growls
  • Finding a poodle for the bachelor party

Take Care of the Marriage Certificate

Once you have gone through with the ceremony, all that’s left to do is sign the marriage certificate and take it down to your local county clerk’s office. Don’t forget you’ll need a witness on hand to sign the marriage certificate along with you and your four-footed friend (tip: bring an ink pad so witnesses from the other side of the family can stamp their paw print on the dotted line).

If you plan on living in the U.S., then your county clerk may refuse to accept your Balinese wedding documentation. If such is the case, take the document to your new spouse’s veterinarian’s office. Unless they want to lose your business, they’ll quietly file away the document for you.


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