Jeff Wysaski
If anyone knows how to have fun, it’s eccentric millionaires. Follow these easy tips, and you’ll become an enigmatic and influential legend in your community in no time:
1. Have Money
Eccentric people who don’t have money aren’t eccentric – they’re crazy. Unless you want to be locked up in a nut house or completely ignored by society, then you’ll have to become a millionaire before you start acting unorthodox.
2. Dress Lavishly (And Ridiculously)
Eccentric millionaires love spending money on clothing. However, not just any old suit and tie will do. If you want to adequately convince people that you are eccentric, consider wearing the following items:
- Crushed velvet
- The color purple
- Top hat (yes, even at pool parties)
- Monocle
- One single, rhinestone glove
- Sword cane
3. Lose Touch With Reality
Being eccentric means cutting ties with conventional norms and doing things your own way. In order to avoid the influence of public society, the best way to accomplish this is by losing touch with reality. Tried and true ways of accomplishing this include:
- Isolating yourself from others
- Wearing mercury-laced clothing
- Taking ether
- Being inbred
- Locking yourself in a chocolate factory and licking the wallpaper
4. Have a Crippling Phobia
All the best eccentrics have a crippling phobia that adds to both their mystique and unbalanced mental state. While there are plenty of options to choose from, I’m inclined to suggest a germ phobia. This is because you’ll get to:
- Wear Kleenex boxes as shoes
- Quarantine yourself in a room (don’t forget the Nintendo)
- Pee in jars
However, other solid options include a fear of public places, a fear of children (and their ridiculously oversized heads) and peladophobia – a fear of bald people.
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