16 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read (9.22.14)
If you’re not on Twitter, you need to read these jokes. If you are on Twitter, you need to read these jokes AND FOLLOW these people…
https://twitter.com/TheDairylandDon/status/433705779657334784
"I'll see you in hell" should be followed with "and I won't even stop to say hi". Otherwise you're just making plans with someone you hate
— wife supremacist (@thefurlinator) January 10, 2014
i tried to let my nephew smell my hand when he was a baby because i don't know a lot about babies but i do know a lot about dogs
— thrillbo (@thrillgar) August 22, 2014
Some people say I hang out with the wrong crowd. They're always like "Hey man we're over here you don't even know those people."
— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) October 19, 2013
https://twitter.com/KeetPotato/status/365398734051344384
"But I can't conquer China, it's way too big…"
Now Genghis, what do I always say?
*Sighs*
"I'm Genghis Khan, not Genghis Khan't"
— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) December 11, 2013
Having pets adds 5 years to your life. Have thousands of pets, never stop owning pets. Become immortal. Laugh as your foes grow old and die
— Daniel Carrillo (@DanielRCarrillo) November 6, 2013
https://twitter.com/fanofhell/status/456539976428044289
I just left Best Buy and the idiot greeter said "Good Buy". He didn't even know the name of the place!! He must be new.
— Dick Chiclets (@DrGhostbaby) August 16, 2013
https://twitter.com/KelgoreTrout/status/463418592579833856
me: i dont want any kids
person: *low chuckle* oh, you'll change your mind.
me: *grabs them by collar* tell me more about the future, wizard— KING RAINHEAD (@KingRainhead) September 4, 2014
https://twitter.com/CoolHegel/status/485916647518388224
Actually, this IS my 1st rodeo. So do I just pet that giant dog with the horns or what?
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) March 31, 2014
I’ve crunched the numbers and it’s cheaper to start your own octopus farm than to buy retail printer ink.
— Joel Ingersoll 🥌 (@FlyoverJoel) April 3, 2013
https://twitter.com/ASpiker/status/338746897734967296
https://twitter.com/smedlee/status/438774313131724800
