Jeff Wysaski
Hi, I'm Tony Hawk from skateboarding. But there's nothing 'skateboarding' about teen pregnancy, so pull out b4 u bail out *trips over board*
— chino (@chino_lol) August 15, 2013
"Why is ash ketchum STILL ten years old??"
"well honey because it's a show for children. you weren't supposed to watch it for fifteen years"— Cohen is a ghost (@skullmandible) July 21, 2013
"And where there is one set of footprints and two wavy lines, it's where I was rollerblading. Because I'm Jesus. I can rollerblade on sand."
— Phil (@PhilNista) April 26, 2012
I'm bad at keeping in touch with people because I don't have any ulterior motives
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) July 18, 2014
Impersonating a police officer is a serious offense. It's also very mean, the way you did it in a whiny voice, I don't sound like that
— Pete Gravedigger (@mean_crow) May 19, 2014
https://twitter.com/GrapeSodaJamb/status/372899876419682305
https://twitter.com/animaldrumss/status/433458297434157056
https://twitter.com/senderblock23/status/283000268860297216
A group of babies is called i'm leaving
— Moe (@_Mo_lee_) April 7, 2014
I imagine the whole world would be covered in foo by now if it weren't for the foo fighters.
— Zachary? (@GreenishDuck) July 11, 2014
Sometimes haters gonna make a valid point
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) April 18, 2014
https://twitter.com/crushingbort/status/342082698170486784
New Year's Eve 2019
Everyone wears "2020" glasses
Half of the population shouts "I HAVE 20/20 VISION LOL"
The other half groans to death.
— broga pants (@BrogaPants) January 1, 2014
You should be required to read a book for every 10 selfies you take.
— Eldest Boy (@shegotagronk) September 30, 2013
[Jesus at the bar]
"Oh, I'll just have a water"
*winks at camera*— Thynebear (@Thynebear) October 19, 2013
the opposite of Frank Ocean is Vague River
— eric curtin (@dubstep4dads) May 21, 2013