Jeff Wysaski
Skeletons are a weird costume because you already got one of those inside your body you're pretty much a bone Oreo with skin frosting dude
— Jeffrey Hadz (@Hadzilla) October 31, 2014
Sir. Your burrito is $5.97. With guacamole, your total comes to $386,932.32
— Trevor S (@trevso_electric) December 11, 2013
I say hi to my cat about 37 times a day
— Marie Colette (@MarieColette) April 9, 2014
https://twitter.com/BoobsRadley/status/529013115460284416
Pitbull's lyrics sound like he can't decide whether to press one for English or para Español oprima numero dos.
— Christopher Hudspeth (@CEHudspeth) October 9, 2014
if u can kiss the cop on the lips before he gets the cuffs on you're free to go
— chuuch (@ch000ch) October 23, 2014
https://twitter.com/boring_as_heck/status/487120242120744961
Ramen noodles are sweatpants you can eat.
— Alex J. Mann (@alexjmann) September 29, 2014
My fantasy football team is one where all the players respect women and children.
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) September 17, 2014
Way to ruin the surprise, Spanish exclamation points.
— Steve “Please love me” Mieczkowski (@IGotsSmarts) August 22, 2014
Super attractive people should have to wear a bell so you hear them coming and have time to get your shit together.
— Kevin Seccia (@kevinseccia) October 16, 2014
I've eliminated 100% of street harassment by simply carrying around a clipboard.
— Ally Maynard (@missmayn) October 28, 2014
I heard it takes more muscles to frown than smile. So enjoy your lazy, fat faces happy people, while mine is getting a six-pack.
— Soren Bowie (@Soren_Ltd) October 3, 2014