Jeff Wysaski
Twitter: bringing you humor in 140-characters or less…
https://twitter.com/hippieswordfish/status/561963252834250752
https://twitter.com/madeleinedoux/status/570369059281248257
https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/status/569169381906903040
https://twitter.com/WookieOnUnicorn/status/570611703857045504
[at the zoo]
Llama spits in my face
I spit in llamas face
Llama slaps me
I grab llamas hair
Scuffle ensues
Llamas gf shouts "leave it Gary!"— Paul (@FrenulumBreve) July 22, 2014
My password for everything is weedfart0
"Why 0?"
Well Cathy that is the year that Jesus was born— dr dipshit (@lil_aracuan) June 11, 2013
I just want to be rich enough to choose the colors on my walls.
— Maebe Marbles (@maebemarbles) February 28, 2015
[me narrating a documentary about jellyfish]
Look at this wet umbrella.— David Hughes (@david8hughes) February 28, 2015
In high school I was voted most likely to be carried off by a large bird
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) February 27, 2015
If self-deprecation was a competitive sport, I probably wouldn't even get a medal.
— Jeffw (@Jeffwni) February 24, 2015
https://twitter.com/EJGomez/status/572077951107260417
♫ Hey now
You're a golf star
Get your putt on
Go plaaay
Hey now
Did you get par?
What's a sand trap?
No waaay
Once I pooped in the hole ♫— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) February 20, 2015
If you say 'Kanye West' in the mirror three times then there's a good chance you're Kanye West.
— GoaT FacE (@EndhooS) February 25, 2015
https://twitter.com/adamhess1/status/438310264921145344
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Get the Vacuum and We Can Be Free
— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) February 20, 2015