Jeff Wysaski
It’s Monday and that means it’s time to check in with Twitter…
https://twitter.com/OtherDanOBrien/status/577911830510739456
https://twitter.com/ibid78/status/572209758565871616
[park bench with girlfriend]
so you're dumping me because you don't think I'm smart?
"yes brent"
*starts raining*
great and now sky water— brent (@murrman5) March 14, 2015
[sees fly]
Hmm… I think I'll name this creature "Fly."
[sees bird]
GODDAMMIT— ghost mom (@radtoria) January 21, 2015
https://twitter.com/diversion50/status/528639711464927232
WHEN CATS ARE SAD
Bartender: What'll ya have?
Cat: Shot of rum.
[Bartender pours it]
[Cat slowly pushes it off the bar]
Cat: Another.— phil (@PhilJamesson) March 17, 2015
[Lobster walks into a room on St Patrick's day and nobody is wearing green]
Oh hell yeah— Good Kyle (@KyleMcDowell86) March 18, 2015
Never trust a man wearing more than 0 necklaces
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) February 17, 2015
It took years of therapy but I finally got over my addiction to therapy.
— regular keith (@ghostkrogh) August 28, 2014
[buying time machine]
"Gonna go back and kill Hitler huh?"
Me trying to cover up my homemade dinosaur saddle: "…yeaaaa"
— matt (@dogfather) March 2, 2015
https://twitter.com/DanMentos/status/506968645323739136
*Lego man gets home after a rough day at the office*
“Great, and now my house is a spaceship again”
— dongpast (@dongfuture) November 5, 2014
https://twitter.com/senderblock23/status/579788290070487040
At the bar: *Mario Bros. music plays*
Last call: *fast Mario Bros. music plays*
The next morning, hungover: *Underground level music plays*— pat tobin (@tastefactory) March 21, 2015