Jeff Wysaski
A big thanks to the very funny @primawesome for assembling this week’s list of funny tweets…
https://twitter.com/NicCageMatch/status/306865595478048770
SCIENCE: This is true.
HALF OF AMERICA: No.
— Sam Reid (@SamReidSays) March 20, 2015
https://twitter.com/frenchielaboozi/status/593569331633524736
"Taunting" is the most hilarious penalty in pro sports. Boils down to *whistle* "Number 23 hurt another grown man's feelings."
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) May 9, 2015
If you pretend to be dead long enough, people come along and do your hair & makeup for free.
— oll (@dulcetry) May 3, 2015
You know two dads are about to fight in a Whole Foods parking lot when they circle each other and flick open Subaru keys like switchblades.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) May 8, 2015
https://twitter.com/Yassir_Lester/status/591772724684574720
https://twitter.com/solomongeorgio/status/595779697805516801
TOP PLACES TO DO KARATE IN FRONT OF:
1. Sunset
2. Crashing waves
3. Dad's grave (as casket is lowered)
4. New stepdad's face
5. Quiznos— Eli Terry (@EliTerry) August 31, 2013
https://twitter.com/Kendragarden/status/593156235576279040
I replied "maybe" to your facebook event out of respect for the inherent uncertainty of life's journey.
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) May 14, 2012
https://twitter.com/KelgoreTrout/status/472394754538635264
FIRST DATE TIP: dress up. when she asks why, say you have a date after.
— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) May 5, 2015
One day I'm going to chuck this boy scout image out the window and never mind my mom says no.
— Justin Guarini (@JustinGuarini) May 2, 2015
https://twitter.com/lanyardigan/status/582286251568467968