Mike
May these funnies make your day and get you through the week.
Sure reading a book under a tree is peaceful but imagine how stressful it is for the tree to see a bunch of it's dead friends in your hand.
— Lyle Clippart (@Kyle_Lippert) March 7, 2014
[to lifeguard for second time in same day] thank you
— brent (@murrman5) July 2, 2015
At a restaurant I thought a family was praying at the table but then I realized they were all texting.
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) March 27, 2012
https://twitter.com/BrandonEsWolf/status/615737376716029952
next time someone says something mean to you, take a deep breath, count to 10 and devise a plan to ruin their life forever.
— Mae (@mzeld) July 1, 2015
https://twitter.com/TomHanksIsHot/status/609113012922753024
doctor: are you sexually active?
me: you first— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) June 17, 2015
https://twitter.com/MrsTomServo/status/96780274993602560
https://twitter.com/timmartinwhy/status/613114612322553856
https://twitter.com/TheCiscoKidder/status/425991978245832705
https://twitter.com/duplicitron/status/530838673688764416
https://twitter.com/ashgrash/status/171793731098394626
My wife likes to smile & wave at kids to let them know the world is a friendly place, I walk behind her flipping them off, cause it's not.
— Gage Boston (@GageBoston) July 31, 2011
we all had to sign a card for a coworker thats retiring and i just wrote "please take me with you" in it
— official game glenna (@glenna_opt) June 20, 2012
I cut my water bill by listening to Pitbull in the shower. I'm down to 38 seconds.
— hannah (@TribalSpaceCat) June 20, 2015