Enjoy these 100% organic gluten-free tweets.
I ordered my latte wrong at that new gypsy coffee place and now my shadow is a horse shadow
— Shawn (@online_shawn) October 15, 2014
Captain's Log, Stardate 41153.7. Hella drama out here. Heading back.
— Don Nichols (@TheDairylandDon) July 18, 2015
Don't. Stop. Be leaving.
— maura "are jack and biz nazis?" quint (@behindyourback) July 16, 2015
Amazon Prime would be a good title for a Wonder Woman movie.
— Brohibition Now (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 15, 2015
if I were an astronaut I wouldn't return the spaceship
— Josh (@joshbupkes) July 17, 2015
Did Jamiroquai ever find his way out of that weird room or what?
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) July 10, 2015
When you run out of people to swipe on Tinder, your camera should turn on and force you to look at what you've become.
— Greg Dorris (@GregDorris) July 14, 2015
The Tortoise and the Hare is a classic story about how people who like to run are awful.
— Michael would like Nazis kicked off of this site. (@Home_Halfway) July 17, 2015
I have more followers than the @RainForest_Cafe . This is wrong. I have done nothing and they have done everything
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) July 16, 2015
It's nice to meet you, I'm very excited to maybe be myself around you in probably like 3 years
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) July 13, 2015
HR said someone filed a complaint against me, saying I'm "very rude". Ugh I bet it was Janet, Janet the Cripple.
— Atman Thakrar (@AtmanThakrar) July 14, 2015
It is perfectly acceptable to stare at any species through binoculars except my own.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) February 11, 2015
Can everyone stop taking secret photos of people sleeping on the bus or wearing something different? Life is hard enough.
— Megan Pettit (@meganshpettit) June 27, 2015
A fart so loud Mulder and Scully break down your door.
— Karen (Tozzi) (@karentozzi) July 11, 2015
batman v superman is stupid if they met they'd be like whoa you wear tights too ok we're friends now tights bros gotta stick together
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) July 13, 2015