15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read

What’s that smell? Ah yes, it’s the delicious aroma of finely crafted tweets…

[job interview]
Me: Time travel
Boss: What is your biggest stren—WHAT?!

— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) February 18, 2015

https://twitter.com/abbycohenwl/status/627512876723367936

Steve Harvey: OK the category is "Sounds We All Love"
Dad: Borp.
Steve: Show me "Borp!"
*all 8 panels flip and they all say "Borp"*

— Adam Levine (@aclevine86) July 13, 2015

*Magneto flapping his wrist frantically, trying to shake loose a fork stuck to his hand*

— batkaren (@batkaren) August 1, 2015

[Family eating dinner]
MOM: Are we forgetting vegetables?
SON: But I hate vegetables
[sobbing from other room]
VEGETABLES: I WISH I WAS DEAD

— ŵ͂̌́͝͡ylde d̵̛̛̜͉̰͈̩͙͌̈̉̆̋̊͡͡e b̡͇̲̏́̐̓̐́̇eest (@flashember) June 18, 2015

[running away from lions really fast]
Dad I dont think I can make it
"Now son what do I always say?"
*sighs* We are antelopes not cantelopes

— Dylan Mangan (@dyldonot) January 11, 2015

"Well this isn't what I expected at all."

-an Owl at Hooters

— huntigula (@huntigula) September 3, 2014

the cashier at Petsmart just told me I smell really good which would be a compliment if my competition wasn't a bunch of dogs and gerbils

— Kristen Drum (@kristendrum) April 2, 2015

https://twitter.com/madeleinedoux/status/578692408168341504

https://twitter.com/KeetPotato/status/627129929323409410

https://twitter.com/SortaBad/status/626516343097987072

https://twitter.com/OhNoSheTwitnt/status/626713848494587904

you know if you run out of tissues you can cry directly into the toilet

— tara shoe (@tarashoe) July 30, 2015

https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/status/627501682130329600

https://twitter.com/DanMentos/status/532318133025902592

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