Mike
Time to hit the ground running and get some work done this week, right after you read these tweets.
if you eat your burrito over a tortilla, anything that falls out will simply start building your next burrito
— paperwash© (@PaperWash) November 20, 2015
Great, now we can go back to not being Thankful for stuff.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) November 27, 2015
I am bankrupt. Divorced. Lost custody of my child. But specimen 679, the 679th raccoon that I've taunted, finally gave me the finger.
— Megan (@meganshpettit) August 16, 2014
https://twitter.com/dragnut/status/509353292762447873
hopefully the wind blows all the neighbors trash into my yard oh cool it did
— meatshirt (@prettysadmostly) November 21, 2015
https://twitter.com/STOTLE/status/223130633415827457
https://twitter.com/BrandonEsWolf/status/668849721776082944
https://twitter.com/Kendragarden/status/662487591124529152
I have a question for Star Wars experts. Is Yoda a goat, or a bug
— Bridger Winegar (@bridger_w) November 22, 2015
"Hola! I'm Señor Coconut, children"
[cracks head on the pavement. Children scream]
"Drink me. Drink me. I'm full of vitamins and minerals"
— Tam Yajia (@DancesWithTamis) November 18, 2015
"Hello darkness my old friend."
Darkness: I'm not lending you any money.— Jessie 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) November 22, 2015
*falls dramatically on therapist's sofa* the barista touched the mouth hole
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) November 18, 2014
i started carrying a vape whistle to alert the authorities anytime i see someone vaping
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) November 24, 2015
If someone calls you ugly, it's really because that person is insecure about themselves, but also you might be ugly.
— The Guy (@theguydf) November 21, 2015
https://twitter.com/MollySneed/status/663160866305540096