Mike
Please enjoy these words that have been arranged in various pleasing ways.
No, I’m not fluent in sarcasm, I only took it for a couple of years in high school and all I really remember is this sentence.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) June 3, 2014
https://twitter.com/Randazzoj/status/676838615326916609
https://twitter.com/solomongeorgio/status/677234721219149824
You were the hot single in your area the whole time.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) September 25, 2015
Benedict Cumberbatch looks like if you had to build a face out of just triangles
— Mark Agee (@MarkAgee) December 12, 2015
I'm a world traveler. A resident of a plane of existence. A tenant of the universe. But, yes, for this job application, I live in my car.
— Shane (@Shanehasabeard) December 11, 2015
https://twitter.com/Sloth_of_War/status/673983964688736257
https://twitter.com/BillDixonish/status/677981322606870528
I was homeschooled and our school mascot was a half-unloaded dishwasher.
— hope (@hopiecan) January 24, 2014
We're in the exact point of climate change as when wile e. coyote runs off the cliff but hasn't looked down yet
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) December 13, 2015
I'd have murdered my husband years ago, but the only place w/ more laundry than my house is prison.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) January 23, 2015
https://twitter.com/rachelle_mandik/status/654270113038893057
If someone walks in on you hatching your evil plan, just tell them you were rubbing in some hand moisturizer.
— jess (retired) (@jessokfine) April 3, 2015
https://twitter.com/CaryGutin/status/673693840327315456
https://twitter.com/aparnapkin/status/675437847982272513