Mike
Wanted to read more this year? This totally counts!
Thanks for sharing your moon with me on Instagram. We don't have a moon where I live.
— Erica (@SCbchbum) July 14, 2014
https://twitter.com/Molly_Kats/status/683053499853176833
The Internet has made it easy to search for porn. In my day, we had to look up "breasts" and "sex" in the dictionary.
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) December 30, 2015
I think I might just start using the word 'ecumenical' and then try to figure out what it means based on people's reactions
— Shane (@Shanehasabeard) December 28, 2015
I gained weight, which means there's more of me than there used to be, which is pretty cool cause I'm great
— Lynn Bixenspan (@lynnbixenspan) December 29, 2015
https://twitter.com/respected_loner/status/672487605234110464
https://twitter.com/JayUhOh/status/675839486773747712
https://twitter.com/thenatewolf/status/662101393440837632
I am Bae, seducer of worlds. Come over to my parent-less house, ye mighty, and despair at my unslakable lust.
— Glenn Loury 2.0 Darker, Gayer, Different (@justabloodygame) November 15, 2014
https://twitter.com/therealeatwood/status/665181780979425280
https://twitter.com/MarkAgee/status/648235967434719232
https://twitter.com/iamspacegirl/status/640526424990982144
[Scientists gathered around microwave]
*The bug inside explodes*
*They nod at each other*
*One writes down "hell yeah" on his notepad*— hoot (@theowljim) October 4, 2015
"Everything the light touches is ours," I tell my son while opening the fridge.
— Grampa Fish Ape (@TheDeadfishSays) November 20, 2014
https://twitter.com/NicCageMatch/status/678459831473278976