Mike
Hope your weekend was as good as this list of outstanding tweets.
https://twitter.com/hurlarious/status/641037223400308736
the exact moment my dog realized that the cat was coming home with us for good pic.twitter.com/ycqfA9relO
— Jade Van Kley (@BacklineNurse) August 31, 2015
All my kids are grounded until one of them fesses up to giving Naked Gun only 1 star on Netflix.
— JennyPentland, GED (@JennyPentland) October 19, 2015
Sometimes I worry that maybe I'll never have sex again then I look at OKCupid and kind of start to feel at peace with the idea.
— jenniferlauren (@jenhasgreathair) January 9, 2015
https://twitter.com/LostCatDog/status/680112390835433472
[book dedication]
To my mother for loving me unconditionally and to my father for being more realistic.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) January 5, 2016
https://twitter.com/frenchielaboozi/status/683313542603370496
Until my mouth is filled with hundreds of teeth like a shark's I cannot see myself as an apex predator or even top 5 in my biome
— Thing Bad (@Merman_Melville) December 22, 2015
I tackled a wicker polar bear because I thought it was my old high school bud, Terry, wantin' to roughhouse. I'm going through some stuff.
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) December 26, 2015
I like when people smoke American Spirits, because it seems like Native Americans are very slowly getting their revenge.
— Guy Endore-Kaiser (@GuyEndoreKaiser) December 27, 2015
If you were Minnie Driver and you didn't drive a Mini Cooper and call yourself Mini Driver then what the hell is even the point of you
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) December 17, 2015
https://twitter.com/daplusk/status/594826473531289600
damn ads on Instagram I almost liked a Ritz Crackers post I still might I dunno those are pretty good actually
— Droll Meets Bawdy (@kiralc) May 22, 2015
https://twitter.com/EmilyStrachan/status/684167307594039296
i miss the days where if you wanted to stalk your ex on social media you had to intercept one of their ravens
— chuuch (@ch000ch) October 23, 2015