Jeff Wysaski
These people are funnier than you on Twitter…
[at Starbucks]
barista: I have an order for Beetlejuice?…Beetlejuice?
Beetlejuice: [whispers] come on, say it— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) January 16, 2016
One good tip for flirting with your waitress is to remember that she doesn't actually like you at all, not even a tiny bit
— Napcore Influencer (@SortaBad) January 6, 2016
Wal-Mart is closing 269 stores in 2016, putting 14 cashiers out of work.
— Shawn Garrett (@ShawnGarrett) January 15, 2016
https://twitter.com/jazmasta/status/687556297282195456
https://twitter.com/tiffaynay/status/668633929772105732
https://twitter.com/vineyille/status/686762164934307841
Death is a lot less scary if you call it "space vacation"
— Fennel Cartwright (@online_shawn) January 8, 2016
https://twitter.com/EJGomez/status/624975502625738752
jesus: what do people call the day i was crucified
me: good friday. we call it "good friday"
jesus: what the fuck— Sage Boggs (@sageboggs) April 3, 2015
21 year old: i invented some very important app. i am 21
me: yeah one time i grew my bangs out almost completely. i am also an age, as well
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) November 19, 2014
If you think about it, it was kind of stupid for Custer to even fight in a battle called "Custer's Last Stand".
— Ray (@SirEviscerate) July 31, 2014
https://twitter.com/philyuck/status/530021087707271168
How To Get A Coffee
•plan to get a coffee
•wear something clean
•start driving
•leave town
•don't look back
•you're free now— NOT A METH LAB (@jenlaw_11) January 15, 2016
"It's okay to eat poison on Wednesdays," says America's new, evil Surgeon General
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) January 13, 2016
[losing badly in a contest]
guys its not a contest— daniel chamberlain (@amfmpm) November 18, 2015