15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read
Congratulations on surviving another week. Life is hard. You earned these tweets.
Is Kanye really the greatest artist of all time? It's like your grandma is awesome but even she doesn't take her #1 Grandma mug literally
— Randi Lawson (@RandiLawson) January 27, 2016
Sometimes I see a big leaf on the ground and I'm like "dang were you that big on the tree? that's why you fell off dude"
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 23, 2016
https://twitter.com/OhNoSheTwitnt/status/691946645936869377
*Pulls my wife in close and whispers in her ear on my death bed*
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— Dan Duvall (@DanDuvallComedy) January 28, 2016
MISSED CONNECTION: You came in the photo frame I bought
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) August 29, 2014
Yes, love, that poem was incredibly beautiful, I was just thinking about how I bet I could scale and jump over a barbed-wire fence unharmed.
— Amanda (@Manda_like_wine) May 5, 2013
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change & the strength to lift a car over my head. Saving the third wish for later.
— Jessie 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) June 12, 2013
Welcome to public transit, walk your carbon-based body into the belly of this metallic hell worm.
— Doth (@DothTheDoth) January 25, 2016
https://twitter.com/msdanifernandez/status/677888253945516032
Looking at you, Jesus. pic.twitter.com/yDubAPu8Zw
— Ꮍᴀᴇʟ (@elle91) November 30, 2014
https://twitter.com/GrowlyGrego/status/681479150784348161
https://twitter.com/johnfreiler/status/350757308105621504
They built a huge, ugly thought-control tower right next to my house but actually I love it so much
— chip malfunction (@online_shawn) June 3, 2015
were do u pet a horse. like were on his body.
— Jeffrey Brian (@sweet_toof) July 13, 2012
https://twitter.com/SirEviscerate/status/673378911087173632