Mike
Another week, another list of excellent tweets. You’d think we’d eventually run out, but nope.
i'll go to bed soon, just gotta think every single thought real quick
— tara shoe (@tarashoe) June 26, 2014
Barbie didn't give me a poor body image; Barbie taught me you can't reattach a head once it's been removed from the body.
— Abby Normal (@MrsTomServo) November 13, 2014
So, like, does B.C. Stand for "Before Cellphones"
— Megan (@meganshpettit) February 6, 2016
All of these time capsules I just dug up have bodies in them?
— Matt Monroe (@heymonroe) March 20, 2015
Surprise your buddy by putting on clown makeup and dying in his attic.
— Olly iConic (@OllyiConic) September 6, 2015
all of my texts end with an invisible "and if I never hear from you again, so be it."
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) February 7, 2016
https://twitter.com/runolgarun/status/695324175850999808
https://twitter.com/feraljokes/status/698615384853913600
Research has shown that men think about sex every 15 sex.
— Lyle Clippart (@Kyle_Lippert) July 6, 2013
Hell yes, I have the body of a Greek god: nice abs, expressionless eyes, genitals shot off by bored soldiers during The Franco-Prussian War
— Jeremiah St Cyr (@MiahSaint) March 1, 2013
https://twitter.com/DanaSchwartzzz/status/701525395477282817
I've always aspired to be like James Bond, a man who owns a car and has had sex
— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) October 19, 2015
https://twitter.com/thetigersez/status/696774037691699200
If I did one of those wine and paint nights the instructor would be like wow look at you, you are really good at wine.
— denise (@Stellacopter) February 18, 2016
https://twitter.com/thatdutchperson/status/695698744231272448