Mike
Sink your eye teeth into this meaty list of tweets.
Sasquatch is just a regular quatch who tells it like it is.
— JasonLastname (@JasonLastname) April 7, 2015
https://twitter.com/wankcity/status/273623896786337792
https://twitter.com/MarkAgee/status/648235967434719232
FAKE BREEDS I'VE TOLD PEOPLE MY DOG IS AT THE DOG PARK: Venetian Dabney, Brown Feta, Waxbeard, Oxnard Pike, Blue Hustler, High Presbyterian
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) July 24, 2013
https://twitter.com/rachelle_mandik/status/690175759441383424
"Length times width," says area expert.
— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) March 10, 2014
Hey pal, you wanna take this outside? *me & the guy from the bar scoop the bug up on a napkin and set it down gently on the grass in front*
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) February 28, 2014
Age 20: Gotta get ripped for Spring Break!
Age 25: Exercise reduces stress!
Age 35: My doctor says I'll die immediately if I don't do this— Napcore Influencer (@SortaBad) March 9, 2016
All dogs go to heaven. Seriously, every last one of them. So when you get to heaven you probably won't be able to find yours. It will be sad
— Daniel Carrillo (@DanielRCarrillo) June 25, 2013
Men get boners from cartoons and yet we allow them to make important decisions.
— Mrs. Donald Darko (@LadyBroseph) April 9, 2014
What do you mean I didn’t win I ate more wet t-shirts than anyone else
— Paige (@PeachCoffin) November 10, 2013
https://twitter.com/lanyardigan/status/599600593955459072
https://twitter.com/NicCageMatch/status/454283596308959232
[slowly rises from trashcan while 2 friends are making plans without me]
i am also free that day.— chuuch (@ch000ch) March 1, 2016
At my funeral the priest will throw my corpse into the crowd and whoever catches it will be the next to die
— Thing Bad (@Merman_Melville) March 10, 2016