Mike
If you like hilarious jokes then you’ve come to the right place.
https://twitter.com/pinupteacher/status/461873435803930627
https://twitter.com/Bez/status/768451173783310340
my life is like chess its boring and i dont get it
— meatshirt (@prettysadmostly) August 13, 2016
*date*
GIRL: I love hot tubs. Do you love hot tubs?
LOBSTER: That's like the third time you've asked me that.
— Brian M. M. Doyle (@WritePlay) April 7, 2015
[Eulogy]
I can still hear his last words. "I'm *chokes back tears* I'm gonna try and put my hat on that bear."— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) October 8, 2014
https://twitter.com/JhonRules/status/714547113078591489
https://twitter.com/eedrk/status/603040729062060033
"I wasn't ready for some football." I look at my rolled up sleeve covering my stump. "I wasn't ready at all."
— The Artist Formerly Known As Richard Pictures (@doctorveritas) May 11, 2013
Your 30's mostly consist of getting excited when you find out a professional athlete is older than you.
— maura quint (@behindyourback) December 22, 2014
We'd like to sincerely apologize for booking the Karate Convention on the same day as the Rare Wooden Boards Fair
— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) December 23, 2014
What do you call the yellow ones?
-Yellow labs.
And the black ones?
-Black labs.
So the brown ones are-
-No we named those after dog poison.— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) June 27, 2015
I am the movie trailer of people. I show you my only 2 redeeming qualities & then you realize I'm garbage & I've stolen $15 from your wallet
— greg (@GrowlyGrego) August 16, 2014
https://twitter.com/Cryptoterra/status/767212571258564608
https://twitter.com/Burger_Time_/status/559009975843164160
I have this great midnight snack it's called, what do I think my roommate won't notice if I eat the edges off of
— nina treemonkey (@ninatreemonkey) February 14, 2013