Mike
Here are some jokes to be enjoyed by you folks.
How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
— Kendra Gaylord (@kendragaylord) April 27, 2016
Diarrhea is too hard to spell so I call it crapplesauce
— Brendan Kelly: Juggalo (@badsandwich) February 2, 2014
https://twitter.com/JustAboutGlad/status/263338175731208192
Finally, the convenience of a food truck IN a restaurant pic.twitter.com/YT02JeQURS
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) November 4, 2016
https://twitter.com/jessforaminute/status/816040395716993024
Use cauliflower as a substitute for mashed potatoes, rice, and any joy in your life. You have no friends now, there is only cauliflower.
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) March 11, 2017
NARRATOR: I didn't want to just be a "good boy." I wanted to be a great boy. The greatest boy that ever lived. pic.twitter.com/YCYELPYRtG
— bornmiserable.bsky.social (@bornmiserable) March 10, 2017
Have we considered that millennials might be so lazy because their generation doesn't have a hit song about taking care of business?
— jordan (@jordan_stratton) January 14, 2016
[hosting a kids show]
ME: ok everybody, what time is it?? say it loud!!
KIDS: OWL! TOUCHING! TIME!
[camera zooms in on a startled barn owl]— lil jon lovitz(?) (@liljonlovitz) March 5, 2017
me: i watched porn
911: that's not an emergency. in fact it's quite normal
me: i'm gonna put u on speaker can u repeat that? LISTEN UP MOM
— ∞ + 1 (@stuckinaportal) September 14, 2016
Date: You don't look anything like your profile picture
Incredible Hulk: THE BUS WAS LATE
— marf (@MarfSalvador) November 25, 2016
Judge: State your name.
Me: Not Guilty
Judge: What?
Me: I had it legally changed.
Judge: You're Not Guilty?
Me: *moonwalks outta there*— Slam Squat-Thrust (@Gre_Gone) January 12, 2015
https://twitter.com/drhappyknuckles/status/617674125885210624
[Séance]
*knock, knock*
ME: Wh-who's there?
[ouija board spells out A-T-C-H]
ME: atch who?
[spells out B-L-E-S-S-Y-O-U]
ME: Dammit, Grandpa!— mo (@chuuew) October 20, 2016
INTERVIEWER: tell me about a time you refused to compromise
ME: no— Mayor P and 11 others retweeted 3 of your tweets. (@punmagnate) May 9, 2016