Mike
Welcome to my tweets show. Here are your stars: The Tweets.
I get home and realize where my house stood a shark now sits dressed as a house with its mouth open
Shark:[nervously makes house noises]— penjamin is now @ghostdraculas (@upsidedowntrash) July 6, 2015
https://twitter.com/SJSchauer/status/748966755918229504
ME ONLINE: all people deserve the same rights & quality of life
ME IN TRAFFIC: I HOPE EVERYONE IN THIS MINIVAN GETS EATEN BY RABID BADGERS
— elon mustard (@nice_mustard) April 7, 2017
Moses had the first tablet with cloud connectivity.
— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) March 5, 2015
https://twitter.com/UNTRESOR/status/357959512914792449
TELLING ME THE PLATE IS VERY HOT JUST MAKES ME WANT TO TOUCH IT MORE
— jess (retired) (@jessokfine) June 30, 2015
https://twitter.com/mrjohndarby/status/813933490400063489
https://twitter.com/ruinedpicnic/status/847760661090271232
*sees baby*
*crouches down, does some cute baby talk*
*no reaction from baby*
*stands up slowly*
You've made a powerful enemy today, baby— Timmy™ (@TheTimmyToes) May 23, 2015
Your password must contain at least two female characters who talk to each other about something other than a man.
— Lord Punkin (@HiddenPinky) October 14, 2014
Any leftover cabbage can and will be shredded and mixed with mayo
– Cole's Law
— b r i a n (@abrianmc) November 10, 2015
If you are the older twin, call your little sibling 50 times a day and say “when I was your age” then describe what you did 6 minutes ago
— McSweatervest (@McSwtrvst) April 17, 2013
Sure Charlie got himself a Chocolate Factory, but his grandparents got to stay in bed for 20 years so ask yourself who were the real winners
— 🇺🇸Frank Whítehouse 🇺🇸 (@WheelTod) March 27, 2015
When life hands you lemons, you have been chosen. It is time. There is no turning back now. You are the Lemon Keeper.
— bornmiserable.bsky.social (@bornmiserable) April 2, 2017
https://twitter.com/fro_vo/status/411671258695098368