Mike
Please take a moment to read these excellent tweets. Thank you.
Betty White is so old she starred on a 7-season TV show about being old that went off the air before most of you were born
— Napcore Influencer (@SortaBad) April 9, 2017
DENTIST: use this razor string to saw your gums. I call it "floss"
ME: dude this hurts. I'm bleeding
DENTIST: you should do it more, then— Mike Bianchi (@Mike_Bianchi) April 25, 2017
[getting an x-ray]
TECHNICIAN: Quit putting that box of chocolates on your chest.
ME: Just tell me which ones are coconut.— Tommytoughstuff (@Tommytoughstuff) July 15, 2016
My retirement plan is to buy several red polo shirts & anytime I need anything, go steal it from Target
— Hi, I'm Abby. Yep. (@abbycohenwl) April 13, 2017
https://twitter.com/bourgeoisalien/status/647753689877356545
This is why you don't buy things when you're drunk, pic.twitter.com/pdUQGoY2gQ
— Shervin (@ShervinSinatra) March 2, 2016
https://twitter.com/EdgarAllanLo/status/557063404004073472
I used to think I could control ducks with my mind but it turns out ducks & I just have very similar ideas about what stuff ducks should do
— Jacy Catlin (@ieatanddrink) March 15, 2016
https://twitter.com/ibid78/status/585934941872992257
https://twitter.com/iamspacegirl/status/748237425223282688
https://twitter.com/drhappyknuckles/status/861082468895543296
https://twitter.com/warmyellowlight/status/632997007246798848
https://twitter.com/howe007/status/370052710789554176
Right after you burn popcorn in the microwave at work pic.twitter.com/P99GdhBYSb
— Jeremy ButtShaker (@iLikeCatShirts) April 30, 2017
https://twitter.com/themiltron/status/858776498387525632
Last Week’s Funny Tweets–>