15 Twitter Jokes Everyone Should Read

Please enjoy some of the best tweets I found clinking around in the ol twitter machine.

*shipwrecked diary*
Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab
Day 2: I have married the crab.
Day 3: I have eaten my wife.

— brent (@murrman5) August 14, 2013

"I must make this movie" — Nic Cage reading a menu

— the garbage shit boy (@davedittell) May 11, 2015

https://twitter.com/aimiekins/status/825803487795609600

https://twitter.com/iamspacegirl/status/724782052344795136

https://twitter.com/stephanieboland/status/859706596653400064

help im covered in chameleons & no one believes me

— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) March 20, 2015

https://twitter.com/meatballwizard/status/852001786202390528

https://twitter.com/thenatewolf/status/612929798843674624

BUILDING INSPECTOR: what's this called
DARTH VADER: the death—
[inspector's eyes look up from his clipboard]
DARTH VADER: uh the health star

— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) October 15, 2015

https://twitter.com/behindyourback/status/544917565404086272

https://twitter.com/rockymomax/status/806309517013217280

https://twitter.com/mikefossey/status/592169335667486720

we got the bastard pic.twitter.com/kIRYB7tYzx

— Goth Ms. Frizzle (@spookperson) May 19, 2017

https://twitter.com/FuckabillyRex/status/681648532206432256

https://twitter.com/xLiserx/status/805623196036845568
Last Week’s Funny Tweets–>