Mike
These are all of the tweets you didn’t know you needed.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
— Jessie 🦇 (@NicCageMatch) April 10, 2014
There's an unwritten rule that if your pet is comfortable sitting on you, you don't move, even if this causes the petrification of your body pic.twitter.com/ul1I2TFYWE
— Dick King-Smith HQ (@DickKingSmith) June 22, 2017
NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAMS! UNLESS YOU'VE TRIED FOR A LONG TIME AND STILL AREN'T THAT GOOD! THEN IT'S OK TO JUST GO DO SOMETHING ELSE!
— Ari Scott (@ariscott) June 11, 2017
https://twitter.com/thenatewolf/status/600094948889788416
Adobe update is ready to install *gazes longingly into the distance*, but I don't think I am.
— Dan Polish Last Name (@danjan13) January 20, 2014
Many people that appear "cool" actually struggle with feelings of inadequacy. Not me. I have those feelings without appearing cool at all.
— ♥mark magark♥ (@markedly) August 20, 2016
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
— mustard clown (@markydoodoo) February 12, 2017
https://twitter.com/LostCatDog/status/324286601599545344
[at KFC]
"One bargain bucket please"
"ok sir, and would you like any sides?"
"Yes please, otherwise the chicken will fall out"— Fred Delicious 🍆 (@Fred_Delicious) March 11, 2014
https://twitter.com/longwall26/status/383623105043656704
[during lull in conversation] maybe people who say the earth is flat are thinking of maps
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) January 26, 2016
https://twitter.com/iamspacegirl/status/783299063445880832
A sombrero lands on your head out of nowhere & without warning. You're stunned but mainly by how great it looks on you. I reload my hatapult
— RobotRowboat™ (@robotrowboat) October 7, 2013
https://twitter.com/fro_vo/status/755770127497310208
https://twitter.com/vornietom/status/721842642581991425
Last Week’s Funny Tweets–>