22 Tweets That Perfectly Describe Your Marriage
Married life has its ups and downs, but through it all, you get to know someone as intimately as possible. Maybe a little too much. Here are some of the best tweets accurately depicting what it’s like to be married, for better or for worse.
1.
[Target]
Me: We're just picking up a few things, right?
Wife: *evil cackle*
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) September 10, 2017
2.
wife: Do that thing I like
me *uses a coaster*— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 30, 2017
3.
Relationship status: Married so long that my wife thinks I’m smelling up the bathroom on purpose
— Boyd's Backyard™ (@TheBoydP) September 8, 2017
4.
It's not cheating. Or money issues. Leaving drawers and cabinets open is the true test of a marriage.
— Just J (@junejuly12) September 5, 2017
5.
They say all good things must come to an end…
After 7 wonderful years of marriage…
I walked in on my wife…
Watching Twilight..
— Will Rodgers (@xWILLRODGERSx) September 6, 2017
6.
It’s less awkward picking up my wife’s period supplies than giving her coffee order at Starbucks.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) September 4, 2017
7.
Tell me how tired you are so I can upstage you and tell you how much more tired I am.
-marriage
— Mommy Owl (@Mommy__Owl) September 2, 2017
8.
Wife: Sometimes women like bad boys.
Me: Well I just replaced real garlic in this recipe with powdered garlic.
Wife: *fans herself*
— theunderfold.com (@TheUnderfold) July 27, 2017
9.
[Married Pillow Talk]
Husband: Tell me what you want..
Me: I want you to take our kid to soccer practice tomorrow.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) August 14, 2017
10.
https://twitter.com/AnniemuMary/status/876461806557986819
11.
I tell my husband that I love him but I'm also territorial about the good cheese in the fridge because balance is healthy in marriage.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) September 3, 2017
12.
Wife: *laughing uncontrollably* So THIS is your midlife crisis??
Me: *struggles to get out of a Mazda Miata*
— Son of Dad (@ThugRaccoons) September 11, 2017
13.
If you marry someone a few years older, one thing they love is when any classic rock song comes on and you ask "Is this Led Zeppelin?"
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 30, 2015
14.
My wife and I both separately went to the grocery store hungry, and now we have 25 lbs of snacks
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 11, 2017
15.
https://twitter.com/ValeeGrrl/status/901175244639129600
16.
Me [sits down to stack of pancakes and bacon]
Wife: What happened to eating healthier?
Me: Ugh. Fine. [puts single blueberry on pancake]— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) September 11, 2017
17.
I am never more attracted to my husband than when he's looking for a coupon before we go inside a restaurant.
— cathryn 💚🇨🇦 (@AngryRaccoon2) September 7, 2017
18.
Here, let me do that
-me when my wife is almost done with some chore
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 31, 2017
19.
It's my wife Carmens Birthday today please join me in wishing that I don't do anything to piss her off today.
— Scott B. (@ScottWBs52) September 10, 2017
20.
(sends raven to my husband)
"Dude, seriously, what do want for dinner?"— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) August 31, 2017
21.
To ensure the safety of others and prevent the demise of your marriage, never start a home improvement project with your spouse.
— the Lainie doth protest too much (@Wine_Charmer) September 2, 2017
22.
If you use karate instead of a knife your wife won't ask you to cut the vegetables anymore
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) September 7, 2017
via huffpost