Mike
You’ll kick yourself for laughing at some of these, but you’ll laugh at them all the same. Embrace this list of silly tweets with open arms.
1.
2.
https://twitter.com/Barknado69/status/676765826934964225
3.
https://twitter.com/Flora__Flora/status/786196849707323392
4.
This is the 100 million years ago liberals want. pic.twitter.com/hY5nswgqnJ
— Jason Mustian (@jasonmustian) May 12, 2017
5.
Kool Aid Man's kids probably never felt safe when they were masturbating.
— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) April 3, 2013
6.
I have so much butt hair my diarrhea comes out as filtered drinking water.
— Mike Primavera (@primawesome) November 2, 2015
7.
https://twitter.com/whatmaddness/status/892394439867383808
8.
*tries to wave goodbye to the genie without spilling my 3 giant milkshakes*
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) August 23, 2016
9.
6 minutes after walking into Sephora pic.twitter.com/5ah3bOmDJs
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) May 14, 2016
10.
[hiding in pantry from murderer]
[quietly tries to open bag of chips]— Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) January 8, 2015
11.
https://twitter.com/Gooooats/status/529141426500538369
12.
I like the phrase "I wasn't born yesterday" because it emphasizes the fact that babies are stupid.
— Gia Pennacchia (@GiaPennacchia) July 31, 2017
13.
[Cop arresting a centipede]
*clink*
*clink*
*clink*
*clink*
*clink*
*opens crate of new handcuffs*
*clink*
*clink*
*clin— ŵ͂̌́͝͡ylde d̵̛̛̜͉̰͈̩͙͌̈̉̆̋̊͡͡e b̡͇̲̏́̐̓̐́̇eest (@flashember) April 14, 2016
14.
https://twitter.com/rachelle_mandik/status/743784616927059968
15.
Interviewer: "Are you good at making snap decisions?"
*20 minutes later*
Me: "No."
— Lindsay (@Rollinintheseat) May 21, 2016
16.
https://twitter.com/ChrisScarlette/status/766071948677971968
17.
https://twitter.com/iamopeimu/status/785411915174600704
18.
How many lost cats walk by the telephone pole with their missing flier on it? Just another reason to teach your cat to read.
— Kendra Gaylord (@kendragaylord) April 27, 2016
19.
https://twitter.com/AnnDabromowitz/status/805528236126011397
20.
https://twitter.com/marinarachael/status/785222112642564096
21.
hi, grandma? can u come pick me up from my rap battle? it's over. no, i lost. he saw u drop me off & did a pretty devastating rhyme about it
— chuuch (@ch000ch) October 19, 2013
22.
Dentist- "You have to wear a mouth guard because you grind too hard." Me- "On the dance floor?" Dentist- "No. What are you talking about?"
— Ben Schwartz (@rejectedjokes) July 21, 2016