Noah Berman
Each week I put my potential drinking problem to work for the fine fans of Pleated Jeans, polishing off an entire bottle of wine while scouring Twitter for some dank Tweets. Here is what was funny, at least at the time.
23.
A storm is a great time to steal a trampoline from a garden.
They'll assume it blew away.
But they won't look in case it killed someone.— TwistedDoodles (@twisteddoodles) February 23, 2017
22.
The best stone/bird kill ratio was prolly the asteroid that killed the dinosaurs
— mustard clown (@markydoodoo) October 14, 2017
21.
https://twitter.com/sugarsh0t/status/929976876474417153
20.
https://twitter.com/illiter8too/status/932228421501030401
19.
https://twitter.com/AmericanAsshoIe/status/930859465435504640
18.
excuse me waiter there's too many titties in my titty ice cream pic.twitter.com/LYzHK7hMbL
— Leah Tiscione (@LeahTiscione) November 15, 2017
17.
Guys… pic.twitter.com/ESb94Nzmxf
— Seth Rogen (@Sethrogen) November 15, 2017
16.
I have a chrome extension that makes all of trump's tweets seem like they were written in crayon. This one is just a little too real for my taste. pic.twitter.com/XOstjKKKy3
— sanjana (@sanjaners) November 12, 2017
15.
if you pay close attention you can actually see Steve's hair growing in every episode pic.twitter.com/ThdSPj61ca
— Matias (@MatiasHannecke) October 30, 2017
14.
https://twitter.com/Spaziotwat/status/879630654505463809
13.
https://twitter.com/josephxmorales/status/912788058189287429
12.
Top 32 answers on the board: Name a phrase your stepdad is going to shout at this year's Thanksgiving pic.twitter.com/IHvEk1japW
— Jason O. Gilbert (@gilbertjasono) November 15, 2017
11.
When you don’t “give” people the finger. They earn it. pic.twitter.com/o99uRunyIM
— Casual Falconry (@CasualFalconry) November 11, 2017
10.
A good question to ask yourself before deciding on a sexiest man alive is, does he wear a cowboy hat for pretend
— Chase Mitchell (@ChaseMit) November 15, 2017
9.
[Driving]
Wife: You missed a right.
Me: Thanks babe – you MRS right.— Andy Ryan (@ItsAndyRyan) November 10, 2017
8.
https://twitter.com/darkstockphotos/status/931281830984028160
7.
https://twitter.com/chelseabfrei/status/927982594242891777
6.
I like the phrase "I wasn't born yesterday" because it emphasizes the fact that babies are stupid.
— Gia Pennacchia (@GiaPennacchia) July 31, 2017
5.
https://twitter.com/katewillett/status/932310865382199296
4.
https://twitter.com/CutPics/status/931139258936520704
3.
Dr: [looking over charts] seems like you gained a lot of weight.
Me: I'm preparing for a roll.
Dr: You're an actor?
Me: [buttering roll] huh?
— Reverend Scott (@Reverend_Scott) November 15, 2017
2.
https://twitter.com/SamAdlerBell/status/931529453431386113
1.
BREAKING: Former co-star accuses Tom Hanks of unwanted touching; "his hand was all over me." pic.twitter.com/8tLvLFYMwq
— Frank Lesser (@sadmonsters) November 18, 2017