Mike
I’ve been on twitter for years and it never ceases to amaze me how every week I can find 15 new and amazing tweets to share with you guys. Enjoy.
1.
What's the smallest amount of money you would reach into a toilet to get? Mine is a skittle.
— steve suckington (@SteveSuckington) March 9, 2013
2.
https://twitter.com/fro_vo/status/931689823529848832
3.
https://twitter.com/bea_ker/status/933084682249388032
4.
https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/status/424907190143832066
5.
https://twitter.com/pblest/status/936856069359394816
6.
https://twitter.com/mrdaddymanphd/status/937805641086918656
7.
— byrobot (@byrobot) December 3, 2017
8.
kool-aid man sleeps standing-up like a horse
— huntigula (@huntigula) December 5, 2017
9.
I still think this is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen. pic.twitter.com/J7ckeGEQNV
— Ruthanne Reid/Trin (@RuthanneReid) December 4, 2017
10.
My 8yo just asked if he could peel off my skin to see my bones when I die and then said "just kidding" in a very unconvincing tone.
— ghost mom (@radtoria) August 31, 2017
11.
[I attempt to unzip my jeans but as the zipper reaches the end of its track it continues down, ripping the fabric of reality in twain and creating a vortex that rips my dong (penis, dick, or wang) wholly off my body and sends it whistling through the void]
me: ah dang.— penjamin is now @ghostdraculas (@upsidedowntrash) December 4, 2017
12.
https://twitter.com/senderblock23/status/525112904803426305
13.
https://twitter.com/dearjhonletter/status/706300072858791936
14.
girls don't like boys girls like googling bear facts and reading the third best one out loud but saving the best two for a special occasion
— doctor peanut (@NINETIREDBUGS) May 11, 2017
15.
[being pushed into the middle of a dance circle] please, I have a family
— moody monday (@mdob11) August 21, 2015