Mike
What a year! So much has happened in 2017 but as always, the only thing that ever truly matters is retweets. Oh, you had a baby? How many retweets did it get? Don’t even talk to me about it until you hit that 100K mark. Here are 100 tweets that are actually worth your time.
1.
1970: By 2017 we will have flying cars
2017: https://t.co/n2eyPbjLE2
— Filipé (@filipway) August 20, 2017
2.
https://twitter.com/hypedresonance/status/916110238595633152
3.
https://twitter.com/SnazzyQ/status/927002329819127808
4.
Just so we’re clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.
— It was Allery All Along. (@random_weighs) November 25, 2017
5.
https://twitter.com/Savmasta/status/911316107927076864
6.
https://twitter.com/miketotheklocke/status/885067681321320448
7.
https://twitter.com/crainey3/status/877393844228112385
8.
did everyone just forget about the part of 2016 when literal clowns would chase people with knives in public and nobody really did anything
— christopher (@imchip) June 17, 2017
9.
when you walk back into the sesh after throwing up https://t.co/xTXyxORyYc
— mj (@bigdybbukenergy) June 13, 2017
10.
https://twitter.com/Josie1D99/status/924794757909483522
11.
Reading Trump tweets pic.twitter.com/yFDOZGLq3t
— Tamoor Hussain (@tamoorh) February 8, 2017
12.
https://twitter.com/jbillinson/status/885981744620589056
13.
My dog was featured on the local news yesterday and was very excited about it pic.twitter.com/FgQqoS8Fm4
— jade (@jadewesthoff) November 8, 2017
14.
https://twitter.com/sofritolocito/status/905773988034555904
15.
https://twitter.com/Benoo_Brown/status/868825764552208384
16.
https://twitter.com/AlexT/status/896703900912295936
17.
https://twitter.com/painthands/status/904840486812229633
18.
My mom dropped me off today for College freshman orientation and she sends me this… #TXST21 pic.twitter.com/etJhflZrE0
— rosé (@Avery_Leilani) June 20, 2017
19.
Fam lmaooo. This is hilarious. Just watch. pic.twitter.com/DuUbINMoPi
— Noah Knigga (@_ChefDon_) November 2, 2017
20.
https://twitter.com/LeoKolade/status/874520790577885186
21.
https://twitter.com/kimkarDASHA/status/930752841873989632
22.
I JUST WANTED A VIDEO OF THE CATS PLAYING AND THEN ?!!!?? pic.twitter.com/j6EGWvCtBt
— sare (@sarahjorden_) June 20, 2017
23.
https://twitter.com/okaycornell/status/893358455746179072
24.
https://twitter.com/__slink/status/914332768791941120
25.
my ubereats delivery man decided to be a smart ass…… pic.twitter.com/8MrPM5E5Mv
— ace (@iamalishajo) July 17, 2017
26.
https://twitter.com/GPollowitz/status/935137064068308993
27.
https://twitter.com/syrianbryn/status/907082721381568512
28.
"So he threw ball, and I ran, but ball was not there, & I turn, and he still has ball in hand, and I sad, so I sue." https://t.co/m6aNcOJnzi
— X (@XLNB) August 11, 2017
29.
I was trying to hit the bucket of drinks and make them go all over my Mum for the intro of a video we're making but……… pic.twitter.com/f2K4rqtDTf
— Harry (@wroetoshaw) May 13, 2017
30.
https://twitter.com/_asiaaaaxo/status/926545015442149376
31.
High school teachers: I'm MRS. HARDASS and you will take me SERIOUSLY
College profs: what up I'm Josh and class is cancelled cuz I'm tired
— Disaster Lesbian (@uzbeccastaaaan) September 5, 2017
32.
https://twitter.com/jordynmcmanus_/status/856204525111267329
33.
This. Is the best uber. pic.twitter.com/4hlDw8E5t9
— homie depot (@Spookygothgrama) October 19, 2017
34.
https://twitter.com/ToyinLies2Girls/status/831983552602525703
35.
We just spent a hour looking for her. pic.twitter.com/x00nQNP4nS
— Britney Diane (@britneydiane) April 29, 2017
36.
https://twitter.com/datassque/status/891490406776623111
37.
when she says she only dates good boys pic.twitter.com/c0dR0VqHic
— nick evans (@nickevans06) September 26, 2017
38.
https://twitter.com/IIIIIMCMXCV/status/840590469801357314
39.
me: i have 9 friends
friend: toxic by britney spears isn’t even that good
— adam (@brokeangeI) November 27, 2017
40.
Bad news: I accidentally washed a nice wool shirt that I really loved and it shrunk a LOT
Good news: pic.twitter.com/bPN6uji4ws
— Alex Tumay (@alextumay) October 24, 2017
41.
https://twitter.com/JoParkerBear/status/868714546525069313
42.
*opens instagram*
yep, everyone's life is still better than mine
*closes instagram*
*opens twitter*
ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren.
— cool & unusual (@bra_zos) October 18, 2017
43.
https://twitter.com/missvanessadiaz/status/881333687371022336
44.
https://twitter.com/kolby182/status/859039001562492930
45.
https://twitter.com/ThatWiggaDev/status/816840408688955392
46.
https://twitter.com/LeoBlakeCarter/status/890369538814087168
47.
SOMEONE TOOK THE TIME TO TRACE OUT THE DISNEY STARS' WAND IN THE AWKWARD COMMERICAL OUTTAKES I'M WHEEZING THE LIFE OUT OF MY WHOLE BEING pic.twitter.com/88eZ3LcLSN
— ✩ ari ✩ (@arigoggles) January 7, 2017
48.
https://twitter.com/zoexrain/status/892961774743371776
49.
https://twitter.com/gossipgriII/status/902975778085797888
50.
https://twitter.com/brendonSkolat/status/907700271643545600
51.
https://twitter.com/finah/status/934892256808484864
52.
Chameleons are fun cause they'll grab anything you give them. pic.twitter.com/aTJ2Abjrs4
— Emma Ward (@Emma_The_Ward) August 17, 2017
53.
https://twitter.com/ricardojkay/status/924466070659801088
54.
https://twitter.com/asialbx/status/836681273640800256
55.
I bought a mini toy laptop for my dog. So he can at least look like he's helping support this family. pic.twitter.com/WbWcZKQD4A
— Meghan Camarena (@Strawburry17) September 2, 2017
56.
https://twitter.com/MohanadElshieky/status/894276544989806592
57.
Yesterday I learned that my mom has no idea what our dog looks like pic.twitter.com/N6xUWvseci
— Jeff (@gnarjeff) June 28, 2017
58.
https://twitter.com/em__holt/status/861264660531744768
59.
Still don't believe in evolution? pic.twitter.com/sfScZWtmfe
— koЯn star ⚢ (@deadvringer) June 30, 2017
60.
https://twitter.com/TheRealDerv/status/903675545883480065
61.
https://twitter.com/YeliLDN/status/852818744539717632
62.
is it worth IT?
lemme work IT
i put my thang down flip IT and reverse IT pic.twitter.com/bwXBDA1WUj— yves (@2oo2grl) September 15, 2017
63.
My dog's ear is like the perfect picture to show your hairdresser if you want beachy waves and caramel highlights pic.twitter.com/vSuoDqKQ8u
— Kerbie Polsky (@kerbiegibbs) June 24, 2017
64.
https://twitter.com/YungPakistani/status/880607685460328448
65.
https://twitter.com/ashleenn_/status/899137758605656064
66.
Goodbye Mufasa. I'm the King now. pic.twitter.com/u7B1gMEAaL
— Maud Bernabé (@MaudBernab) August 12, 2017
67.
not sure what I'm supposed to do with this information pic.twitter.com/zsdRtWfa4t
— esos son reebok o son nike ✧ (@coolado_) September 10, 2017
68.
https://twitter.com/AlsBoy/status/933474719554326528
69.
https://twitter.com/jamesdoleman/status/853998538648420352
70.
Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?
— Riggs (@RiggsBarstool) June 10, 2017
71.
When your sister forces you to spend time with her new boyfriend: pic.twitter.com/sKCUQjRk9X
— Ben Soffer (@boywithnojob_) August 3, 2017
72.
Imagine carrying 18 dumbbells to the court tryna look cool just to get overshadowed by a old man hitting free throws pic.twitter.com/RLuIIv1WPd
— Sam Yeezy (@samstaydipped) August 2, 2017
73.
https://twitter.com/jbehrle3/status/839901595601104896
74.
my mom yesterday: do u work tomorrow
me: yes
my mom today: do u work today
me: yes i already told u
my mom when i'm at work: where are u
— Semra (@SemraDurmisevic) July 15, 2017
75.
https://twitter.com/nandoh/status/911975572175278085
76.
https://twitter.com/BabyNewport/status/890711488847106049
77.
Asked me mum if she could bring my charger down stairs, she replied "shout the dog" pic.twitter.com/BLQRzEEfwN
— Sophie Billington (@sophiebillo1) June 21, 2017
78.
https://twitter.com/sixelanydraj/status/888424854621495296
79.
Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted "yes girl remix!!"
— kelsey (@silence__kit) July 7, 2017
80.
https://twitter.com/Dufined/status/935583835609227264
81.
https://twitter.com/itssavannahxox/status/893259253644836867
82.
https://twitter.com/Sturrfridge/status/820313950365614085
83.
https://twitter.com/ericbearden_/status/926127971710013440
84.
https://twitter.com/jesswithsleeves/status/910496760598028288
85.
!!!!!!!!! WHO DID THIS TO MY INNOCENT MOTHER !!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/zneJIzKu6f
— Grace (@graceL721) October 19, 2017
86.
[concert]
SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight
CROWD: woo
ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) May 9, 2017
87.
my sister is about to have a baby and my brother showed up to the hospital in a suit because "first impressions matter" pic.twitter.com/KtNV4mvnDU
— iris (@iriskessler) January 3, 2017
88.
"Wow 3 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know"
Me: wow 3 kids… those are pretty damn permanent CAROL
— Emily Barry (@EmiBarry) July 26, 2017
89.
Thanks for the clarification, Dad. pic.twitter.com/Y2ulMh7sJV
— Ray (@rayy_baybay) July 21, 2017
90.
https://twitter.com/oafale/status/894068487630405632
91.
I overheard a guy saying to his girlfriend "are you ready to fucking rage" as they walked into target together and that's what I want
— the wicked witch of the east bro (@kpfeffss) June 25, 2017
92.
Went to see IT, I'm first in the screen and this fucking guy's just sitting there. pic.twitter.com/b3oatLGdrs
— Chris (@Chohbes) September 8, 2017
93.
Riley, you're a genius. pic.twitter.com/Lp3VAf7C2Q
— Joel Willans (@Joelwillans) July 30, 2017
94.
I think my Uber driver is in trouble pic.twitter.com/GxIsapbzyO
— palmer ward (@decentbirthday) July 25, 2017
95.
See you in court Palmer Paint Products pic.twitter.com/0mxXgGCQcn
— ℓεℓε (@LeleTill) September 13, 2017
96.
I told my brother he can eat half of my grapes pic.twitter.com/ACTqO4B5Mr
— jus (@Jaaaaaymomma) May 18, 2017
97.
https://twitter.com/sIiceofpizza/status/878285378389557249
98.
https://twitter.com/slutropico/status/900389508000231424
99.
https://twitter.com/paigealban23/status/881694220112842752
100.
https://twitter.com/gvldenkirstyy/status/919644171874467842