Mike
What a year! So much has happened in 2017 but as always, the only thing that ever truly matters is retweets. Oh, you had a baby? How many retweets did it get? Don’t even talk to me about it until you hit that 100K mark. Here are 100 tweets that are actually worth your time.
1.
1970: By 2017 we will have flying cars
2017: pic.twitter.com/n2eyPbjLE2
— Filipé (@filipway) August 20, 2017
2.
all because I said no to bingo night pic.twitter.com/W8Ojp0eQqx
— bauhausfanaccoun please block me applebee’s (@hypedresonance) October 6, 2017
3.
Don't buy iPhone X. pic.twitter.com/bUkAR1tX1I
— Quinn Nelson (@SnazzyQ) November 5, 2017
4.
Just so we’re clear, The Grinch never really hated Christmas. He hated people, which is fair.
— Probability The Rapper (@random_weighs) November 25, 2017
5.
Bill Nye just walked into our elevator while I was snap chatting.. pic.twitter.com/LwCOITAEft
— ☯ (@Savmasta) September 22, 2017
6.
Should I take my dog to the vet pic.twitter.com/CHiW4C6fQz
— 10% luck 20% skill 15% concentrated power of will (@miketotheklocke) July 12, 2017
7.
I'm ☠️☠️☠️ yall lol 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣 & can't STOP laughing at all!!! pic.twitter.com/ItarwS6ITu
— . (@crainey3) June 21, 2017
8.
did everyone just forget about the part of 2016 when literal clowns would chase people with knives in public and nobody really did anything
— chip (@imchip) June 17, 2017
9.
when you walk back into the sesh after throwing up pic.twitter.com/xTXyxORyYc
— the binch whomst stole christmas (@officiaIwinemom) June 13, 2017
10.
don’t say anything just rt pic.twitter.com/uHH4hf7akQ
— Josephine (@Josie1D99) October 30, 2017
11.
Reading Trump tweets pic.twitter.com/yFDOZGLq3t
— Tamoor Hussain (@tamoorh) February 8, 2017
12.
Star Wars, but all of the light saber sounds are Owen Wilson saying "wow" pic.twitter.com/t5Yll0AV4h
— Josh Billinson (@jbillinson) July 14, 2017
13.
My dog was featured on the local news yesterday and was very excited about it pic.twitter.com/FgQqoS8Fm4
— jolly jade (@JadoElizabeth) November 8, 2017
14.
me overthinking how I said "here" during attendance pic.twitter.com/YEx9saFzqz
— sof (@sofritolocito) September 7, 2017
15.
https://twitter.com/Benoo_Brown/status/868825764552208384
16.
so doggy school exists and this little guy is so excited to go 😫 pic.twitter.com/OvF8uDkAgc
— Alex T (@AlexT) August 13, 2017
17.
https://twitter.com/painthands/status/904840486812229633
18.
My mom dropped me off today for College freshman orientation and she sends me this… #TXST21 pic.twitter.com/etJhflZrE0
— Avery Leilani (@Avery_Leilani) June 20, 2017
19.
Fam lmaooo. This is hilarious. Just watch. pic.twitter.com/DuUbINMoPi
— Jermaine Avocado Toast (@_ChefDon_) November 2, 2017
20.
Omg I'm so scared of $10Billion https://t.co/z0NJGCr662
— YOUR DAD (@LeoKolade) June 13, 2017
21.
I'm gonna power the whole country. pic.twitter.com/3wrxw8fA1e
— Dasha Uy (@kimkarDASHA) November 15, 2017
22.
I JUST WANTED A VIDEO OF THE CATS PLAYING AND THEN ?!!!?? pic.twitter.com/j6EGWvCtBt
— sare (@sarahjorden_) June 20, 2017
23.
Lmao girl for a second I thought u was Regina George https://t.co/dLEFrgrf0K
— XoXo Gossip Girl (@okaycornell) August 4, 2017
24.
What I get, he get pic.twitter.com/7zxCbaFQmW
— la blahr ⛓ (@__slink) October 1, 2017
25.
my ubereats delivery man decided to be a smart ass…… pic.twitter.com/8MrPM5E5Mv
— ace (@iamalishajo) July 17, 2017
26.
Prince Harry's kids will be Americans. What if one grows up to be president and is in line for the throne at the same time? Brits are playing long-ball here, but it's a smart move. They want America back and this is how they'll do it.
— Greg Pollowitz (@GPollowitz) November 27, 2017
27.
Me setting my alarm for every 5 minutes in the morning pic.twitter.com/TjCBc9hPcY
— The Binch That Stole Christmas (@syrianbryn) September 11, 2017
28.
"So he threw ball, and I ran, but ball was not there, & I turn, and he still has ball in hand, and I sad, so I sue." https://t.co/m6aNcOJnzi
— X (@XLNB) August 11, 2017
29.
I was trying to hit the bucket of drinks and make them go all over my Mum for the intro of a video we're making but……… pic.twitter.com/f2K4rqtDTf
— Harry (@wroetoshaw) May 13, 2017
30.
When he tells you to lose the attitude pic.twitter.com/3WC3QKzTvP
— Asia (@_asiaaaaxo) November 3, 2017
31.
High school teachers: I'm MRS. HARDASS and you will take me SERIOUSLY
College profs: what up I'm Josh and class is cancelled cuz I'm tired
— Merry Momma Becca (@HBecca2017) September 5, 2017
32.
At least we tried #Prom2017 pic.twitter.com/7wtpuFKXw6
— jordyn (@jordynmcmanus_) April 23, 2017
33.
This. Is the best uber. pic.twitter.com/4hlDw8E5t9
— Cardio Bee (@Spookygothgrama) October 19, 2017
34.
Lmao dude on Facebook said he been waiting 4 hours for the P to fall so he could sue Walmart pic.twitter.com/c6t6F91dnP
— Toyin (@ToyinLies2Girls) February 15, 2017
35.
We just spent a hour looking for her. pic.twitter.com/x00nQNP4nS
— Britney Diane (@britneydiane) April 29, 2017
36.
yall tired of boiling water every time you make pasta? boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later.
— childish sadbino (@datassque) July 30, 2017
37.
when she says she only dates good boys pic.twitter.com/c0dR0VqHic
— nick evans (@nickevans06) September 26, 2017
38.
Cashier: Sorry for your wait! We're short staffed
Millennial: It's fine! Don't worry! 😁
Middle Aged Woman: pic.twitter.com/1DEDHuP5sj
— Steven (@IIIIIMCMXCV) March 11, 2017
39.
me: i have 9 friends
friend: toxic by britney spears isn’t even that good
— adam (@brokeangeI) November 27, 2017
40.
Bad news: I accidentally washed a nice wool shirt that I really loved and it shrunk a LOT
Good news: pic.twitter.com/bPN6uji4ws
— alex tumay (@alextumay) October 24, 2017
41.
When Canadians fight on Twitter. pic.twitter.com/kVyRYTOcQs
— Brosephine Wires (@JoParkerBear) May 28, 2017
42.
*opens instagram*
yep, everyone's life is still better than mine
*closes instagram*
*opens twitter*
ah yes. my fellow trash bretheren.
— scrooge mcduck (@Brazos_Elkins) October 18, 2017
43.
My dog saw a dog that looked exactly like her pic.twitter.com/hMb6Powska
— small fry (@missvanessadiaz) July 2, 2017
44.
Any 2 white guys could walk up to me and say "we're The Chainsmokers" and I'd believe them.
— Uncle Kolby (@kolby182) May 1, 2017
45.
"Babe can you move over?"
"But I don't have mushroom" pic.twitter.com/MgdfEC01aR
— Brazilian Fart Porn (@ThatWiggaDev) January 5, 2017
46.
That's Scrappy Doo you uneducated buffoon https://t.co/LAo4jlK8Cm
— Leo Blake Carter ☻ (@LeoBlakeCarter) July 27, 2017
47.
SOMEONE TOOK THE TIME TO TRACE OUT THE DISNEY STARS' WAND IN THE AWKWARD COMMERICAL OUTTAKES I'M WHEEZING THE LIFE OUT OF MY WHOLE BEING pic.twitter.com/88eZ3LcLSN
— ari (@arigoggles) January 7, 2017
48.
when I need my space but I also want attention pic.twitter.com/kQgCqSdLgv
— titties out… got my coin ready to go. (@zoexrain) August 3, 2017
49.
girls these days at 2 vs. me when I was 2 pic.twitter.com/hnNXMBMQgo
— lourdes (@gossipgriII) August 30, 2017
50.
Beyoncé: *uses iPhone X facial recognition*
iPhone X: pic.twitter.com/8ao9moveCd
— brendon skolat (@brendonSkolat) September 12, 2017
51.
you can literally drive to your local gas station and find at least 3 people that look like this https://t.co/4StwZ0whBV
— zander (@finah) November 26, 2017
52.
Chameleons are fun cause they'll grab anything you give them. pic.twitter.com/aTJ2Abjrs4
— Emma Ward (@Emma_The_Ward) August 17, 2017
53.
me replying back to people .02 seconds after they text me pic.twitter.com/0Fmh7TAOy5
— fat bully (@ricardojkay) October 29, 2017
54.
Me: *dies*
People to my boyfriend: it's okay to get back out there, she'd want you to move on
Me in heaven: pic.twitter.com/CMfAEgWVUw— asia (@asialbx) February 28, 2017
55.
I bought a mini toy laptop for my dog. So he can at least look like he's helping support this family. pic.twitter.com/WbWcZKQD4A
— Meghan Camarena (@Strawburry17) September 2, 2017
56.
Uber driver: ………..
Me: ……….
Uber driver: ……….
Me: 5 stars.
— Mohanad Elshieky (@MohanadElshieky) August 6, 2017
57.
Yesterday I learned that my mom has no idea what our dog looks like pic.twitter.com/N6xUWvseci
— Jeff but like festive (@jeff_jssj) June 28, 2017
58.
my flatmate has just peaked pic.twitter.com/ZInx8T0u1R
— em (@em__holt) May 7, 2017
59.
Still don't believe in evolution? pic.twitter.com/sfScZWtmfe
— lexi rae (@dysplacement) June 30, 2017
60.
lol if you think i actually hired a photographer to take pictures of my new puppy then you're exactly right bc i totally did. pic.twitter.com/BDOmtjHNav
— davis smith. (@TheRealDerv) September 1, 2017
61.
Me: Hi
Artsy White boy: pic.twitter.com/mhIMKYl1me— mark henry (@YeliLDN) April 14, 2017
62.
is it worth IT?
lemme work IT
i put my thang down flip IT and reverse IT pic.twitter.com/bwXBDA1WUj— ⚡ (@2oo2grl) September 15, 2017
63.
My dog's ear is like the perfect picture to show your hairdresser if you want beachy waves and caramel highlights pic.twitter.com/vSuoDqKQ8u
— Kerbie Gibbs (@kerbiegibbs) June 24, 2017
64.
https://twitter.com/YungPakistani/status/880607685460328448
65.
I'm still shook pic.twitter.com/TPYLRNHDP0
— ashleen (@ashleenn_) August 20, 2017
66.
Goodbye Mufasa. I'm the King now. pic.twitter.com/u7B1gMEAaL
— Maud Bernabé (@MaudBernab) August 12, 2017
67.
not sure what I'm supposed to do with this information pic.twitter.com/zsdRtWfa4t
— esos son reebok o son nike (@coolado_) September 10, 2017
68.
“SANDRA CAN YOU OPEN THIS FUCKING THING BIT OF A SITUATION HERE” pic.twitter.com/4WOwZn9LGK
— Ash Warner (@AlsBoy) November 22, 2017
69.
My favourite part of this is the caption saying the President (left)
pic.twitter.com/HS35BHV3WX— James Doleman (@jamesdoleman) April 17, 2017
70.
Some dude just called me a pussy for putting on sunscreen. Imagine thinking you're tougher than the sun? The fucking sun?
— "Riggs" (@RiggsBarstool) June 10, 2017
71.
When your sister forces you to spend time with her new boyfriend: pic.twitter.com/sKCUQjRk9X
— Ben Soffer (@boywithnojob_) August 3, 2017
72.
Imagine carrying 18 dumbbells to the court tryna look cool just to get overshadowed by a old man hitting free throws pic.twitter.com/RLuIIv1WPd
— Sam Yeezy (@samstaydipped) August 2, 2017
73.
https://twitter.com/jbehrle3/status/839901595601104896
74.
my mom yesterday: do u work tomorrow
me: yes
my mom today: do u work today
me: yes i already told u
my mom when i'm at work: where are u
— Semra (@SemraDurmisevic) July 15, 2017
75.
(+18) pic.twitter.com/KQHR3IKzEZ
— nandoh (@nandoh) September 24, 2017
76.
No ice? Just freeze some water. https://t.co/NWKK1vaFSU
— lil uzi flirt🍜🍑🤟🏽 (@BabyNewport) July 27, 2017
77.
Asked me mum if she could bring my charger down stairs, she replied "shout the dog" pic.twitter.com/BLQRzEEfwN
— Sophie Billington (@sophiebillo1) June 21, 2017
78.
this is what my friends send me on the regular basis and I just have to show it to the world… pic.twitter.com/GMCylQJnuk
— jm (@sixelanydraj) July 21, 2017
79.
Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted "yes girl remix!!"
— kelsey (@silence__kit) July 7, 2017
80.
Thank you Amazon. pic.twitter.com/4RsOnUnPsh
— duf❆ (@Dufined) November 28, 2017
81.
so i ordered a chair for my room off of amazon and… pic.twitter.com/PU3N6e1GJT
— sav ❄️☃️ (@itssavannahxox) August 3, 2017
82.
Not really how I imagined the second coming pic.twitter.com/dFQe1AlD5l
— Add your name (@Sturrfridge) January 14, 2017
83.
Stranger Things
Stranger Things 2
Strangers and Things
2 Strange 4 Things
5 Things
The Strange and the Things: Tokyo Drift
Strangest 7
— Eric Bearden (@ericbearden_) November 2, 2017
84.
me on a bad day pic.twitter.com/CxTJcFuuMa
— jesstive cheer! (@jesswithsleeves) September 20, 2017
85.
!!!!!!!!! WHO DID THIS TO MY INNOCENT MOTHER !!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/zneJIzKu6f
— Grace (@graceL721) October 19, 2017
86.
[concert]
SINGER: hows everyone doin tonight
CROWD: woo
ME (from the back in a normal speaking voice): it's actually been a tough few months— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) May 9, 2017
87.
my sister is about to have a baby and my brother showed up to the hospital in a suit because "first impressions matter" pic.twitter.com/KtNV4mvnDU
— IRIS KESSLER (@Iris_Elisabeth_) January 3, 2017
88.
"Wow 3 tattoos.. those are pretty permanent you know"
Me: wow 3 kids… those are pretty damn permanent CAROL
— Emily Barry (@EmiBarry) July 26, 2017
89.
Thanks for the clarification, Dad. pic.twitter.com/Y2ulMh7sJV
— Ray (@rayy_baybay) July 21, 2017
90.
https://twitter.com/oafale/status/894068487630405632
91.
I overheard a guy saying to his girlfriend "are you ready to fucking rage" as they walked into target together and that's what I want
— k8e (@kpfeffss) June 25, 2017
92.
Went to see IT, I'm first in the screen and this fucking guy's just sitting there. pic.twitter.com/b3oatLGdrs
— Chris (@HG_Hohbes) September 8, 2017
93.
Riley, you're a genius. pic.twitter.com/Lp3VAf7C2Q
— Joel Willans (@Joelwillans) July 30, 2017
94.
I think my Uber driver is in trouble pic.twitter.com/GxIsapbzyO
— decent pigeon (@decentbirthday) July 25, 2017
95.
See you in court Palmer Paint Products pic.twitter.com/0mxXgGCQcn
— leah (@LeleTill) September 13, 2017
96.
I told my brother he can eat half of my grapes pic.twitter.com/ACTqO4B5Mr
— IG: JAAAAAYMOMMA (@Jaaaaaymomma) May 18, 2017
97.
Felt cute in this pic might delete soon tho pic.twitter.com/lLjbWp4s4N
— alex (@sIiceofpizza) June 23, 2017
98.
morning people vs me pic.twitter.com/9Jdj7qfzh8
— martin (@slutropico) August 23, 2017
99.
My mom just sent me this of my dad pic.twitter.com/fMuVFTkpBQ
— Paige Alban (@paigealban23) July 3, 2017
100.
"but you said your 5 mins away"
First of all I didn't say where I'm 5 mins away from
— ki'. (@gvldenkirstyy) October 15, 2017