I’ve been on twitter for years and it never ceases to amaze me how every week I can find 15 new and amazing tweets to share with you guys. Enjoy.
"Do you think I reference dinosaurs too much when I write?" I asked.
She was silent, like the p in pterodactyl, but it said everything.
— Nathan Usher (@thenatewolf) January 9, 2016
I’m glad I already solved this hotel shower when it was a puzzle in “Myst.” pic.twitter.com/jkjphXyAje
— Bethany Nowviskie (@nowviskie) October 4, 2017
do you want to have a few pancakes, you wuss, or do you want to get real pic.twitter.com/W4x1Gi23Xe
— SpicedGirl Eggnogito (@iamspacegirl) May 3, 2016
HER: I once broke up with a guy for saying "I could care less"
ME: Haha that idiot [nervous] of course it's "I could care fewer"
— Terry F (@daemonic3) August 25, 2017
The original 3 Men And A Baby is in the Bible when the 3 kings visit baby Jesus and have no idea what gifts would be good for a baby.
— Dan Wilbur (@DanWilbur) November 19, 2017
Uh oh, just switched from a Windows phone to an iPhone… pic.twitter.com/nSBCNYTQNm
— Blind Chow (@BlindChow) April 4, 2015
Me: If someone sold you a fake grave plot, you'd never figure it out because you'd be dead
Therapist: I'm not sure-
Me:You'd be dead Debra
— Kadyn the Wingman (@kadyngriffiths) October 31, 2017
catholic contestant: i'd like to buy 12 O's pic.twitter.com/M6tIcsPn7h
— pope phteven (@PhuckinCody) October 2, 2017
MY WIFE:We named you after our favorite songs. You were mine
LAYLA: I love that
ME: And you mine
THEME FROM DUCKTALES: No, yeah, I figured
— MehGyver (@AndrewNadeau0) October 17, 2017
Me: Kensington, fetch me my robe.
K: You sold your robe and everything else you own so you could afford a butler.
Me: Hold me, Kensington.
— Sean (@seandunn76) December 2, 2014
BOB THE BEER DROPPER: I make the worst decisions
ME: hold my beer
— dan mentos (@DanMentos) September 29, 2017
Mom holding crying baby: He just needs to be changed.
Me: Yeah hopefully into a puppy or something quieter.
— Brohibition Now (@OhNoSheTwitnt) July 5, 2015