Mike
I’ve been on twitter for years and it never ceases to amaze me how every week I can find 15 new and amazing tweets to share with you guys. Enjoy.
1.
My personal style is best described as "didn't expect to get out of the car."
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) February 16, 2015
2.
Beatles: Everything's fine
Stones: Everything's fine and we fuck a lot
Kinks: Everything used to be fine, now it's awful
Led Zeppelin: Orcs— Sean Thomason (@TheThomason) February 17, 2016
3.
https://twitter.com/vineyille/status/670594077524529153
4.
If I accomplish nothing else this weekend, I know that at least I ruined a Papa John's employee's day pic.twitter.com/qqxH7vaSRm
— Napcore Influencer (@SortaBad) February 25, 2017
5.
If you get robot arms don't get the cheap ones [starts clapping for no reason]
— demiurge moore (@online_shawn) December 20, 2015
6.
"Let me know if you have any questions," is probably the biggest lie I include in almost all work e-mail. Well, that and "Thanks."
— greg (@GrowlyGrego) December 19, 2017
7.
https://twitter.com/daplusk/status/935474960318939137
8.
LIFE HACK: If a public restroom is locked, violently yank the door handle over and over like a gorilla and never accept that it's occupied
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) April 28, 2015
9.
GOD: You have probably 70-80 years at most before you die, ideally.
MAN: oh. well, i'll make the most of-
GOD: You'll be unconscious for 1/3 of the time.
MAN: ..uh
GOD: *leans in* That'll be your favorite part.— Ray (@SirEviscerate) December 19, 2017
10.
https://twitter.com/DanMentos/status/938112070762897409
11.
https://twitter.com/rachelle_mandik/status/941836308166598657
12.
https://twitter.com/FeralCrone/status/947273738151751680
13.
ME: mom we're out of eggs again!
MOM: it's ok, there's cereal
[later]
ME: *throwing cheerios at the mean neighbor's house* this sucks
— the hype (@TheHyyyype) December 28, 2017
14.
Sagittarius: All the stars will eventually burn out, leaving the universe in complete darkness for the remainder of time. Sorry, I can’t remember where I was going with this.
— Sorrow-scopes (@Sorrowscopes) December 28, 2017
15.
https://twitter.com/Barknado69/status/943851460986580993