Mike
I’ve been on twitter for years and it never ceases to amaze me how every week I can find 15 new and hilarious tweets to share with you guys. Enjoy.
1.
I like how automatic doors just get out of my way. I wish more inanimate objects seemed scared of me.
— Napcore Influencer (@SortaBad) November 10, 2014
2.
[a movie on dvd]
ugh, i've seen that a million times[the same movie on tv with commercials]
OOH, IT'S JUST STARTING— Mave (@MavenofHonor) May 11, 2017
3.
Say what you will about 2017 but it is also the year Netflix gave us the “Skip Intro” button.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 28, 2017
4.
https://twitter.com/CuteEmergency/status/945842931927314432
5.
https://twitter.com/Kendragarden/status/857989800711774208
6.
I would forfeit all knowledge about the mysteries of the universe in exchange for knowing which specific person gave me a cold.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 5, 2018
7.
My favorite thing to do at a rock and roll concert is to yell “kiss, kiss, kiss” every time the guitarists stand close together and face each other to riff
— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) December 17, 2017
8.
be ur own secret santa with ambien and amazon
— Ted Travelstead (@trumpetcake) December 16, 2017
9.
If Google ever goes down and stays down, I'm fucked. I know four facts and they're all about elephants and I already forgot three of them.
— Arby’s Provocateur (@SamGrittner) April 14, 2015
10.
https://twitter.com/sammynickalls/status/846921416247312384
11.
Imagine calling your friend and asking them if they want to go to the club and you go and get some drinks and dance and you’re having a great time and then John Wick comes in shooting the place up it would ruin your night
— pat tobin (@tastefactory) January 6, 2018
12.
Titles I‘d fully believe were British TV shows:
Beamish and Quigley
The Quite Corking Quiz Show
Shan’t We Tell the Vicar?
A Bee’s As Good As A Bonnet
Up Your Arse, Alistair!
That Isn’t How We Do It in Lincolnshire, That Isn’t How We Do It At All
Just Joanna Lumley
— Mara Wilson (@MaraWilson) January 9, 2018
13.
https://twitter.com/morninggloria/status/950430465336463361
14.
https://twitter.com/blainecapatch/status/949507287252520960
15.
“What if your grandma was buried in something HOT?” -the theme of every figure skating costume
— Louis Virtel (@louisvirtel) January 6, 2018