Lindsey Robertson
For some people, the prospect of placing a raw protein or vegetable in a pan over an open flame for an extended period of time is so daunting that it literally makes them flop sweat. These people subsist on cereal and frozen dinners, they know their local food delivery workers by name, and they may or may not use their stove for shoe storage.
If you, too, identify as a “bad cook,” then this may sound rather familiar.
Here are some jokes for all the folks out there who would rather eat sandwiches into infinity than attempt to boil, bake, roast or braise a single food item. Because, in the paraphrased words of Maria Bamford, “People always talk about how easy cooking is … but it is not as easy as not cooking.”
1.
https://twitter.com/trojansauce/status/723864863064338432
2.
[TRYING TO IMPRESS NEW GIRLFRIEND]
'Oh yeah, I love to cook!'
*removes salad from the microwave— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) January 7, 2016
3.
My Cooking Teacher Pinned this Poor Pizza to the Blackboard
by infunny
4.
Billion dollar idea.
A smoke detector that shuts off when you yell "I'm just cooking!"
— Lemerica (@lemmywinkler) May 5, 2015
5.
https://twitter.com/SpeakComedy/status/666082520769826816?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.buzzfeed.com%2Fgenamourbarrett%2Ftweets-that-are-way-too-real-for-people-who-are
6.
How to cook the perfect amount of pasta:
1. Pour out how much you think you need
2. Wrong— Mitten d'Amour (@MittenDAmour) May 23, 2013
7.
My wife tried cooking Thanksgiving dinner for us and actually burned the cook book.
byu/unclemerle1775 infunny
8.
when I try to cook something pic.twitter.com/kfDu1PKs2f
— introvert (@introvertsmemes) March 28, 2016
9.
https://twitter.com/JerynnNicole/status/420342936396513280
10.
When you try to make something you saw on Pinterest. pic.twitter.com/Tc5MmC8fEq
— Sam Kalidi (@samkalidi) December 9, 2015
11.
So I asked my girlfriend to cook macaroni and cheese last night…
byu/hmrevenue infunny
12.
Tired of recipes assuming I have a stove
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) March 6, 2016
13.
https://twitter.com/juliussharpe/status/549379319236407296
14.
My wife is out of town and was worried I wouldn't be able to cook for myself. Just sent her this pic.
byu/CaptainCaspian infunny
15.
I like to cook for a man when I first start dating him.
That way he'll be disappointed from the start.
Not just when he sees me naked.
— DemonDastardly (@mydmac) May 15, 2016
16.
Wife: How was your day, honey?
Me: Definitely didnt use your hair straightener to try & cook a grilled cheese
Wife: What?
Me: I mean good
— Cool Eric (@OBiiieeee) October 8, 2014
17.
18.
https://twitter.com/HasnaatMahmood/status/691405180202565632
19.
Cooking spinach pic.twitter.com/FqLdJrXQFM
— mike ginn (@shutupmikeginn) March 31, 2016
20.
Ya cooking is healthy & cheap. But u have to go to the "store" to get "ingredients" to make at ur "apartment" w/ a "stove" Where does it end
— Kevin Farzad (@KevinFarzad) May 27, 2015
21.
realtor: so what are u looking for in an apartment
me (googled how to cook eggs last week): a large kitchen with updated appliances is a huge priority for me
— Bob Vulfov (@bobvulfov) December 13, 2017