Jake
Something weird has been happening in the past few years. People have noticed reality starting to sort of… slip? People started having memories of things that aren’t real or are slightly off, like that the Berenstain Bears books were originally the Bernstein Bears books. Or that Sinbad was in a movie where he played a genie. (Seriously, there are whole sites dedicated to stuff like this.) Then there was that string of dramatic and highly improbable incidents: Donald Trump won the election, the Chicago Cubs won their first World Series in over a century, the Atlanta Falcons blew a 25-point lead to lose to the New England Patriots in overtime in the Super Bowl. Then stuff just kinda got… weird.
Reality has become so unreal some prominent people think we may actually be living in a highly sophisticated simulation (kind of like the matrix but with fewer cyberpunks in black raincoats). Notably, futurist and Tesla-founder Elon Musk thinks it’s true. Neil deGrasse Tyson puts the odds we’re part of some elaborate simulation at around 50-50. Other people have latched on to the simulation theory, using to explain the continuing ~weirding~ of our reality. Anyway, it’s time to take a tour of our (new?) unreality!
1. Vanessa Hudgens had a lip synch battle against… a pork chop
Vanessa Hudgens really just lipsynced against a pork chop y’all, we are 100% living in a simulation, reality is a joke pic.twitter.com/jbPj0ixkXC
— Mike T (@rhymeswithbeg) January 26, 2018
2. DMX may have started an entire new religion
https://twitter.com/morbiomagoo/status/956214945020108801
3. Camels are getting botox and Nancy Pelosi is gonna be a judge on RuPaul’s Drag Race All Stars 3
https://twitter.com/E_faith_G/status/956007460589965312
4. This car glitched right into a building
https://twitter.com/luvcraft/status/953051409691193344
5. Japan has a new cryptocurrency pop group
https://twitter.com/zerode/status/952998384972922880
6. Katy Perry has cryptocurrency nails
https://twitter.com/foxesinfiction/status/956759291536408579
7. Cryptocurrency is getting out of hand in general
8. But if money is still real, then at least some people are getting rich off of it
Dogecoin, a cryptocurrency created as a joke, now has a market value of a quarter billion dollars. We live in a simulation.
— The JNCO Jughead (@VocabuLarry) August 31, 2017
9. News that teens were vaping Tide pods was the final straw for some people
https://twitter.com/mathdroid/status/956718186119876608
10. Things are so weird no one even batted an eye at the news that aliens might be real
The simulation known as 2017 continues to glitch uncontrollably. https://t.co/oa0mUw9LTV
— Alex Seitz-Wald (@aseitzwald) December 16, 2017
11. The first female Colonel Sanders is one of the most 2018 things to happen this year
KFC Names Reba McEntire the First Woman Colonel Sanders https://t.co/zKJzgs4OB0
— People (@people) January 26, 2018
12. Yep, things have gotten unebelievably weird
Why is everything getting so weird pic.twitter.com/sd9V78uyON
— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) January 25, 2018
13. Every headline seems like an Onion headline
https://twitter.com/timothypmurphy/status/956999283676508160
14. For example, WTF?
https://twitter.com/lutherlowe/status/875591691297673217
15. At least the simulation can be fun sometimes
This morning we welcomed Michelangelo, one of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (@TMNT) at The Met. Our celebrity guest came to see the work of an artist who happens to share his name. https://t.co/jUPJhto7Xr #MetMichelangelo pic.twitter.com/YS7T5xZv9a
— The Metropolitan Museum of Art (@metmuseum) January 25, 2018
16. Sometimes it’s like the simulation is trying to learn by giving us insane mashups
The simulation is well and truly broken. pic.twitter.com/UwLL2yNvdE
— Louis Peitzman (@LouisPeitzman) January 24, 2018
17. Sometimes the simulation churns out a gem based on our love of nostalgia
https://twitter.com/HUNTYCHAN/status/957352431570046976
18. And sometimes it just repeats itself
https://twitter.com/tvoti/status/956279951862280198
WAKE UP SHEEPLE!