Inside almost every person who claims to be totally skeptical about horoscopes is a secret inner voice that says “But let me check mine … just in case.”
Hey, it’s a crazy, unpredictable world out there. Sometimes it’s helpful to feel like you have some semblance of perspective on the whole thing — and if that involves star signs, then you do you, fam. Haters will say astrology is fake, but you can always just write them off by saying “Ugh, typical Aquarius.”
Here are some jokes for everyone out there who holds a vague, tenuous belief in horoscopes, but feels a bit too sheepish to admit it in public. If you’ve ever secretly looked up your crush’s zodiac to check your compatibility, blamed any stress on Mercury in retrograde, or wrinkled your nose upon meeting a Gemini, then these memes are calling your name (regardless of your star sign).
Don’t worry, you’re not alone — we’re all secretly looking to blame our sh*t on glowing balls of gas in the sky.
Horoscope: you deserve to breathe
Me: oh..my…god….that's so true…. pic.twitter.com/anAdIdUFms
— She Ratchet (@SheeeRatchet) September 14, 2016
Me: Lol horoscopes are bullshit
Horoscope: You use memes to mask your insecurities
— Medieval Reactions (@MedievaI_React) February 8, 2017
the worst part about liking someone is having to read their horoscope too
— virgo angel (@jaredtbh) November 12, 2015
*uses my one phone call from jail to check my horoscope*
— Sam Grittner (@SamGrittner) January 8, 2015
reading a boys horoscope to understand wtf hes doing to you
— princess (@kvttycat) August 16, 2015
"i like you because when i look at horoscope predictions, i check yours too."
— rena (@renalovelis) October 31, 2015
Just once I would like my horoscope to forget about love and career and tell me to eat a donut because I deserve to instead.
— Ella Cerón (@ellaceron) November 2, 2015
Haven't read my horoscope in forever, because I assume it just says, "Sorry, you're still not Connie Britton."
— Julieanne Smolinski (@BoobsRadley) February 18, 2013
horoscope: taurus breathes air to survive
me, a taurus: wtfff that is so me im so freaked out right now you guys horoscopes are my religion
— gary from teen mom (@garyfromteenmom) November 28, 2015
Horoscope: you're alive right now
— Female Struggles (@comedyandtruth) October 24, 2016
Me: horoscopes are a bunch of nonsense
Horoscope: you're lonely and tired
— what (@chanelpuke) October 6, 2016
*checks my horoscope to see if there's an explanation for today's suffering*
— charlotte (@STJUSTlCE) April 25, 2016
me: horoscopes are bullshit i don't believe any of it
tweet: "thread of what ice cream flavor matches your sign"
— FREDDY (@FreddyAmazin) September 20, 2016
Astrology is like the one acceptable form of prejudice
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) November 7, 2015
thought it was my zodiac sign that made me irritable, impulsive, impatient, and angry but really it's just my depression
— insane (@deIuge) December 2, 2015
I think astrology is bullshit, but then most Capricorns do
— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) December 28, 2017
my therapist: *facilitates a breakthrough*
me: sounds fake but ok
my horoscope: water is wet, virgo
— Carina Hsieh (@carinahsieh) October 18, 2017