Mike
I’ve been on twitter for years and it never ceases to amaze me how every week I can find 15 new and hilarious tweets to share with you guys. Enjoy.
1.
These kids nowadays and their moons. Blood moon. Super moon. Super blue blood moon. When I was growing up, we just had moon.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 31, 2018
2.
I secretly hope that twitter keeps extending the character limit as a social experiment, slowly conditioning our attention spans until we’re able to read actual books again
— sweatpants cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) January 27, 2018
3.
There is no better metaphor for being a woman right now than wanting a female president and getting a female fast-food chicken mascot
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) January 27, 2018
4.
Still haven’t figured out a way to eat a big leaf salad without bringing shame on all my ancestors
— Aparna Nancherla 🇵🇸 (@aparnapkin) January 30, 2018
5.
https://twitter.com/michaelianblack/status/957119359138258944
6.
If you’ve ever wondered if you’re getting old, ask yourself this question. Have you ever bought expensive cheese? Therein lies your answer
— 🇵🇸 The artist formerly known as the Iron Sherk (@TheIronSherk) April 28, 2013
7.
I thought I was just really tired but it's been 5 years so I guess this is how I look now.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) September 11, 2014
8.
You're going to miss this, I whisper to myself as I'm shot in the butt with a nerf gun while unclogging the toilet.
— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) January 26, 2018
9.
Almonds are good for when I want to have a healthy snack and want to stop having twelve dollars.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 23, 2016
10.
I WAS TOLD THERE WOULD BE A HANDBASKET
— dugglebutt (@dugglebutt) January 12, 2018
11.
In the seconds before you die, every password you couldn't remember flashes before your eyes.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 27, 2018
12.
PIGEON KID: I need to go bad
PIGEON MOM: Try to hold it until we find a statue
— Todd 'Papi' Carlos (@TheToddWilliams) January 11, 2018
13.
So many friends have kids now it's tough to meet for coffee, let alone carry out the greatest casino heist the world has ever known
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) January 23, 2018
14.
https://twitter.com/matthaig1/status/951154691072815104
15.
Friend: Did you already eat or do you want to get some food?
Me: Yes.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 28, 2017