Mike
Look, I’m not condoning the eating of Tide Pods, but you have to admit they look like something from Willy Wonka’s factory. They look absolutely delicious, even though they are absolutely poisonous. This phenomena occurs with several objects we come across in day to day life, and those of us who are Darwinian fit are able to enjoy it without actually eating them and dying. That being said, please do not eat any of the following items, no matter how yummy they look. I hate that I have to say that.
1. The inside of a golf ball.
I could eat a dozen of these sashimi balls.
2. Purple glue stick.
The most underrated Push-Pop.
3. Insulation
You’re only a few hammer swings away from enjoying some delicious house meat.
4. Lava.
Fancy some forbidden fondue?
5. Aquarium gravel.
A much heartier Fruity Pebbles.
6. Packing peanuts.
A low-carb option for poisoning yourself.
7. Deodorant.
Refreshing and takes care of bad breath.
8. Reeds
Vegan corn dogs.
9. Cleaning solution.
Fabuloso indeed.
10. Ceiling.
Make it rain popcorn.
11. A long yellow hose.
Nothing better than a forever banana.
12. Bouncy balls.
I used to think about eating one of these all the time, but I never did it. Probably why I’m still alive today.
13. Those liquid tube things.
I’ll be honest, eating isn’t the only thing I thought about doing to these.
14.
Sorry, I can’t play Dungeons & Dragons. I ate my icosahedron.
15. String instrument resign.
Spread it on a violin, spread it on some toast. If you find a mosquito trapped inside, extract the blood from it and recreate dinosaurs.
16. Dishwasher tablets.
They’re no Tide Pods, but the tablets have more of a tangy vibe. Blue raspberry with a jawbreaker center.
17. 3500 year old bear amulet.
The gummy bear that started all gummy bears. This is Patient Zero.
18.
I’d dip a chicken tender in that.
19. Motor oil.
I mean, you can’t just dump it down the drain.
20. Drywall.
More like house frosting.
21. Microwaved soap.
A fluffy dinner roll that also cleans your insides? Yes please.
22. Silica gel packet.
Literally says “DO NOT EAT” all over it but every kid has thought about it.