Marriage is the end all, be all of adult life, right? You get married, have kids, grow old together, and it’s happily every after. But has anyone ever given the behind the scenes of married life? Your partner can drive you up the f*cking wall and it’s hard to stay in the “honeymoon phase” past year one or the first few months, even.
Okay, finding true love is a great deal, but there’s a lot that comes with it, too. Dealing with another person for the rest of your life is a huge uptake, especially when it’s been a challenge taking care of yourself (talking to you, millennials). Even when you you think you know the in’s and out’s of your lover’s quirks, they can still surprise (maybe even infuriate) you.
Although married life can be rather annoying, it can also be hilariously entertaining, which is a huge plus. The following texts prove that finding your penguin for life is also pretty damn funny.
These 23 texts show why marriage is a never ending battle:
1.
(847): We didn’t want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
2.
(308): I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It’s not fucking spaghettios fault.
3.
(740): Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
4.
(904): All I want to do is ice my pussy, but the my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
5.
(512): My husband just came over to kiss me and said, “careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket”
6.
(937): Already tried, she’s too smart for that. I need a Primo “Do your wife in the butt” lure/call to trick her into wanting it
7.
(719): My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
8.
(650): I don’t care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
9.
(409): You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
10.
(864): Just cried to my husband about how much I’m going to miss my boyfriend… Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
11.
(252): Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
12.
(813): He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them (386): Tequila 1 marraige 0
13.
(970): went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he’s passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
14.
(613): I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say “Look an exercise stick!”
15.
(602): I’m trying to find a place to hide my weed in my mother in law’s house… (1-602): Married life problems?
16.
(360): Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender… Don’t tell me I don’t know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
17.
(417): I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I’m in Houston.
18.
(803): I just don’t fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids! (1-803): Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
19.
(412): At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was ‘Back Door Brooke’. EVERYONE is calling her that.
20.
(501): Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
21.
(803): I just don’t fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids! (803): Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
22.
(856): He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
23.
(815): I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted…..too bad the garden was in my friends apt……I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a whole new low
Noah Berman
