Have you ever offered sex to a teacher for a better grade?
Have you ever been offered sex in return for a better grade?
Is this seriously something that happens this often?
It is if these 15 stories are to be believed:
1. Anything?! Really?
I had a girl say she’d “do anything” for extra credit. Her intention was clear. I made a joke of it by responding “Anything? Would you kill a guy?” I think she was embarrassed I didn’t go for it. She dropped my class not long after.
2. “Poor boy…”
When I was in graduate school, I had a student who, once he found out I was gay, started to flirt with me a lot. He was ridiculously good looking. He did stuff like come up to me after class to show me his pierced nipples (which involved, of course, lifting his shirt and showing me his perfect abs, too).
He never actually made an offer of sex for grades; he might have just been offering me sex. Or he might have just enjoyed flirting with his teacher because he got off on being hot.
Poor boy got the lowest grade in the class; he was pretty, but not too bright.
I taught for a few semesters at a rather large university. My classes had between 30 and 70 students.
In the class with 70 students, one girl that was just terrible tried something. Until then, I couldn’t understand how she made it to her junior year. She couldn’t even write a complete sentence. One day during the middle of a 3-hour-class break, she comes up to the podium to discuss her grades; she was bombing the course with a strong F. She says, “I want to know how I can improve my grade?” and immediately gets closer to seemingly look at the computer screen propping her [breasts] on my arm like an eagle on a perch while smiling. This was in front of the entire 70-student class.
I pulled back, told her that her writing needs lots of work, and she should go to the tutoring center. I went straight to the grad-student lab and wrote an email to the program head detailing what just happened. Fuck that.
Additionally, I feel bad for her because the poor girl had no hopes. She was a terrible student and couldn’t even propose sex-for-grades properly. She had nothing going for her.
I’m an art teacher and, when I was teaching middle school, I had a 7th grader ask me, in the middle of class, to suck his dick. Not in a mean way, but in a “will you please?” kind of way. They go to lunch, the kid leaves the lunchroom, comes to my room and asks again. He’s 12 years old, mind you. I kept trying to get him to leave the room and he was saying, “There aren’t any cameras in here, no one will know if you don’t tell,” and then he tried to pull his pants down just so I could see his penis. I just got to the door to leave myself, when another student showed up and the other kid ran off. I reported it, wrote a referral and the school made me press sexual harassment charges. The kicker is that, after he came back from being suspended, the school didn’t remove him from my room and I had to teach him for the next 3 months. Ugh.
After one exam one of the students emailed me saying that she knew she had done poorly and she was willing to do anything to get her grade up. Didn’t even see it sexually at all until I casually mentioned it to my family at sunday lunch. My mom said something like “Dumbass, that’s a sex offer” I was like “Really??”. My wife just rolled her eyes at me. Didn’t mention it again, neither did she.
6. Peace Out
I actually had to change careers because of how often it was happening. I said no every time, as I wouldn’t risk losing my career, but then my wife left me after 10 years of marriage. I became fairly lonely, and didn’t think I could say no when a very attractive student became overly friendly with me. For both our protection, I ended up quitting and becoming an author full time.
7. The Gender Gap
When I was a graduate student, there were a couple of female faculty who would sleep with their male students, but the academic culture has changed so much in the last twenty years that that’s more rare or at least more hidden.
When I first started teaching, I used to get hit on quite a lot. I have had male students bring me coffee, cookies, and gifts from their travels. Male college students are never aggressively sexual, just needy and crushy.
I learned to deal with the attention by being either highly intellectual (so distant) or highly maternal (thus gross).
As someone who chaired a department, I must say that female students are extremely aggressive sexually with male professors. I have had to deal with the most blatantly aggressive female students outright harassing male faculty. Male students don’t have anywhere near that level of confidence when it comes to hitting on professors. Maybe there is a longer history of male profs sleeping with their students, so maybe that’s why female students feel so comfortable hitting on their profs?
The female ones are also rather shameless. They will hang out the prof’s office, leave notes, call, and just signal to the world that they are interested, which seems crass to me when a 22-year-old is acting like a 13-year-old at a Justin Bieber concert. Older faculty said that this more sexually aggressive female students is somewhat new, like in the past twenty years.
I think colleges/universities should teach professional behavior to students, honestly. Do the students realize what kind of job recommendation a chair might give a student who has spent her years in college flirting with faculty?
Young single male high school teacher here…I don’t know if I should be relieved or offended that this issue has never come up.
9. Rubbed the wrong way…
I used to TA Freshman Astronomy at San Diego State and two particular girls were always asking for my help and purposefully rubbing their breasts on me to get a better a grade. I resisted the temptation although they were definitely hot. Lucky for me the cute dude that always needed my help didn’t use this tactic. I might have had trouble resisting him…
10. They don’t all resist
When I was 27 I was teaching a string of EFL jobs in another south american country. I had one class that was a 25 year old girl who as a returning student who already had a degree and she had a lot of free time. I taught that class 4 hours a day 7 days week. She was good student who started showing up early to chat with me. (I refuse to speak L1 during class; before and after I prefer it). Then I started walking her home after class. I’m getting tired of typing so I’ll skip to the fun. One night I’m at her house and we end up going at it on the kitchen table at 5 am, complete with her moaning repeatedly “you’re my teacher this isn’t right”. Her sister is also a student of mine, in another class. The sister walks in and catches us in the act. Me being completely awkward in all situations said the first thing that popped into my head. “Your getting home late, you have the final in 2 hours.” Fun time was over and I ended up leaving the school over my embarrassment.
11. And, they don’t all end up with an “A”
I work as a history teacher in Sweden, at a local university. One year there was a girl (22-23) who took a basic course for one year, she kept failing the exams during the whole autumn. She was not too bad, just on the edge but I still had to fail her. So when the Christmas holiday is closing in, I ask her if she could stay after class (and a couple of other students) in order to give them assignments to do during the holidays. For some reason she stays behind when the other leaves the classroom, she asks me if I could show her what she missed out on the last examination. I had the exams in my office, so she comes along. As I go through the binders, looking for her exam – she says “I will blow you if you pass me on this class”. I felt paralyzed and did not know what to say. She was a beatuful young, viral woman – and very convincing in her voice. That was the best blow-job I ever had in my 36 years old life, what an early christmas present. That was a one-timer and it never happend again. Oh and yes, I failed her in class.
12. Leave the door open.
I’ve written about this before. Had a fairly attractive woman tell me she would do anything so she could pass the class. This was a 3rd year CS programming class. She was in way over her head. I immediately became aware of what she was implying and that the door was closed to my office… and it was an evening class. I was… spooked.
I never closed my door with a student in my office after that.
What spooked me the most was that there was no way she could have made it this far in the program and be that clueless unless she had, uh, help in earlier classes.
13. “But who are we supposed to sleep with?”
I was a teacher in rural West Africa for a few years. I had a few students approach me, and make an offer. I rejected them 100%, and had long conversations regarding how inappropriate and terrible this was.
It didn’t help that it was quite common for this to happen, and the same females that were approaching me were approaching the other teachers. At one of my schools, 2 girls became pregnant from teachers, which gets kinda ugly since pregnant girls are not allowed to be in school.
We had faculty meetings where the principal would say verbatim, “OK, I need to tell all the teachers not to sleep with students.” and the teachers would laugh and say, “But who are we supposed to sleep with?”….and everyone would chuckle and then discuss the next topic on the agenda.
14. “I can handle it.”
Female university professor for 16 years. I’ve been flirted with countless times, but only outright propositioned twice. Neither time was for grades, as both students were already doing well in class. One was a 19-year-old boy who told me that he was sure he could “handle a 30-year-old woman.” I managed not to laugh at him, mainly because I was very fond of him. Of course, I turned both down. No consequences to them.
I’ve been a college instructor, teaching assistant, or professor for ten years. I’m extremely oblivious, so I don’t typically realize I’m being hit on until a month or two later. Semester ends, I’m in my office thinking of the past semester, saying “Man X was friendly — she sure seemed nice but she always wore low cut tops and OH MY GOD!” And then the realization sets in.
I’d never act on it. Most of the ones who like me are way too young for my taste (I go the opposite direction — much prefer older women). But I’m completely oblivious.
Anything like this ever happen to you?
Let us know in the comments…