Mike
I’ve been on twitter for about 6 years now, and it never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to find hilarious jokes for this list every week. You’d think I’d run out at some point, but nope. Twitter is a bottomless well of jokes (and lots of other not so great stuff lately) but mostly jokes, and it is my absolute pleasure to bring you this list every week. I assure you it is as much fun for me to make as it is for you to read. So thank you for continuing to visit this, because it means I get to continue putting it together. Please enjoy this week’s roundup, and always remember: retweets mean everything.
1.
https://twitter.com/YouSleepOnTray/status/1009815963754221568
2.
https://twitter.com/mindykaling/status/1012000072446296065
3.
Crow parents taking a break to share a quiet moment of tenderness. Just kidding. Their kid was literally screaming at them. pic.twitter.com/l0x8YEjt9C
— Kaeli Swift, Ph.D. (@corvidresearch) June 21, 2018
4.
Did a bus write this pic.twitter.com/GMHk7Uovkw
— Hayley Hudson (@hayhud) June 26, 2018
5.
so no one told you life was gonna be this way pic.twitter.com/V6FnrtENtE
— Jade Van Kley (@BacklineNurse) June 25, 2018
6.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) January 21, 2015
7.
actually the class system in america is:
– never been to disney
– went to disney once or twice
– goes to disney annually— ari (@paddypubs) June 23, 2018
8.
chair.exe has stopped working pic.twitter.com/FO56VNvmH4
— Chocolatine™ pourquoi tweeter vu l'algo de merde (@BeautifulLoser_) June 23, 2018
9.
Told my coworker i was Ambidextrous this nigga said “that’s wassup bro love who you love” LMFAOOOOOO
— Juice (@TrademarkJuice) June 21, 2018
10.
The kids I nanny asked why I wanted to see Incredibles 2 and I said because the first one came out when I was a kid
and they really asked ….
If it was in color
— Kirsten Pritchett (@kirstenabigail2) June 22, 2018
11.
https://twitter.com/gn_money/status/1009103705017221120
12.
https://twitter.com/lexialvrz/status/1008549825623699457
13.
JURASSIC PARK SEQUEL IDEA:
3 Million AD.
The humans are extinct.
The dino-scientists find mosquitoes with human blood.
Guess who they clone…
Jeff. Fucking. Goldblum.
They mix up the mosquito DNA with Goldblum's.
Surprise assholes.
This is now a sequel to The Fly.
— JR | Find me on Mastodon: @[email protected] (@JRDRD) June 21, 2018
