I’ve been on twitter for about 6 years now, and it never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to find hilarious jokes for this list every week. You’d think I’d run out at some point, but nope. Twitter is a bottomless well of jokes (and lots of other not so great stuff lately) but mostly jokes, and it is my absolute pleasure to bring you this list every week. I assure you it is as much fun for me to make as it is for you to read. So thank you for continuing to visit this, because it means I get to continue putting it together. Please enjoy this week’s roundup, and always remember: retweets mean everything.
1.
https://twitter.com/YouSleepOnTray/status/1009815963754221568
2.
Paul Rudd has been handsome for 40 years and is somehow still like 32
— Mindy Kaling (@mindykaling) June 27, 2018
3.
Crow parents taking a break to share a quiet moment of tenderness. Just kidding. Their kid was literally screaming at them. pic.twitter.com/l0x8YEjt9C
— Kaeli Swift, Ph.D. (@corvidresearch) June 21, 2018
4.
Did a bus write this pic.twitter.com/GMHk7Uovkw
— Hayley Hudson (@hayhud) June 26, 2018
5.
so no one told you life was gonna be this way pic.twitter.com/V6FnrtENtE
— j a d e (@TheDreamGhoul) June 25, 2018
6.
Every time you get dressed remember that, if you die, that's your ghost outfit forever.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) January 21, 2015
7.
actually the class system in america is:
– never been to disney
– went to disney once or twice
– goes to disney annually— ari (@paddypubs) June 23, 2018
8.
chair.exe has stopped working pic.twitter.com/FO56VNvmH4
— Chocolatine™ against the machine ✊ (@BeautifulLoser_) June 23, 2018
9.
Told my coworker i was Ambidextrous this nigga said “that’s wassup bro love who you love” LMFAOOOOOO
— . (@TrademarkJuice) June 21, 2018
10.
The kids I nanny asked why I wanted to see Incredibles 2 and I said because the first one came out when I was a kid
and they really asked ….
If it was in color
— Kirsten Pritchett (@kirstenabigail2) June 22, 2018
11.
This little girl in the restaurant, maybe five, tugs on her dads jacket & complains about being cold & he says “Well damn, Jackie, I can’t control the weather”.. His wife hit him & said “For the last time, we didn’t name her that so you could reference That 70’s Show” 😂😂
— gracie 😚 (@gn_money) June 19, 2018
12.
This guy cut me off on the freeway today. I’m not even mad. pic.twitter.com/2z6m88RtzR
— alexis❣️ (@lexialvrz) June 18, 2018
13.
JURASSIC PARK SEQUEL IDEA:
3 Million AD.
The humans are extinct.
The dino-scientists find mosquitoes with human blood.
Guess who they clone…
Jeff. Fucking. Goldblum.
They mix up the mosquito DNA with Goldblum's.
Surprise assholes.
This is now a sequel to The Fly.
— JR @ haunted cabin for weekend (@JRDRD) June 21, 2018