Mike
I’ve been on twitter for about 6 years now, and it never ceases to amaze me how easy it is to find hilarious jokes for this list every week. You’d think I’d run out at some point, but nope. Twitter is a bottomless well of jokes (and lots of other not so great stuff lately) but mostly jokes, and it is my absolute pleasure to bring you this list every week. I assure you it is as much fun for me to make as it is for you to read. So thank you for continuing to visit this, because it means I get to continue putting it together. Please enjoy this week’s roundup, and always remember: retweets mean everything.
1.
My mom has a podcast but you can only hear it if you have the password to my voicemail
— Dan Duvall (@lazerdoov) July 17, 2018
2.
tattoo artist: you'll just have to come back when you have more money
me: [with only three ninja turtles tattooed on my arm] but i look ridiculous— Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) July 6, 2018
3.
I always dreamed of a summer lovin like Sandy & Danny but here in NL finding a moose in my pool is probs as close as I'm gonna get pic.twitter.com/aea0nkTYgZ
— Kerri Claire (@kerriclaireneil) July 6, 2018
4.
https://twitter.com/ElleOhHell/status/1009893290022461442
5.
https://twitter.com/Fred_Delicious/status/1009163861730168833
6.
Every day, ask yourself: am I closer to my goal of managing a haunted bed and breakfast perched upon a weathered cliff
— Mave (@MavenofHonor) October 12, 2017
7.
https://twitter.com/itsthymee/status/1001684261118898178
8.
https://twitter.com/adrienne_bc/status/1000488034582913025
9.
https://twitter.com/bea_ker/status/999157245093888001
10.
https://twitter.com/living_marble/status/999816188979855366
11.
What idiot called it a calf and not a mooborn
— oll (@dulcetry) October 21, 2014
12.
unfollow me now if you play the flute, I don't need that kind of drama in my life. clarinet players can stay but you're on fucking thin ice
— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) April 30, 2018
