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22 Of The Stupidest Things Anyone Has Ever Heard

Have you ever said something so stupid, you wanted the floor to open up underneath you and swallow you whole? Sure, everyone has. But have you ever had someone else say something so stupid to you that you wish the entire world would collapse in on itself? It’s kind of like the feeling you get when you’ve been on Twitter too long, but you have look another person in the eyes.

Reddit user u/Yurtle_212 wondered about the absolutely most ridiculously stupid comments and questions people had ever heard on AskReddit, and there are some doozies in the replies. While reading these, please try to give the people who said this stuff the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes smart people say stupid stuff and we shouldn’t be quick to judge. Even if it’s really, really hard not to.

22. Thank God It’s Thursday

What day of the week is good Friday on?

Do you mean what date?

No, what day of the week. It was on a Thursday last year.

No

21. What’s The Beef?

Waited on a woman who asked me what kind of meat was in our beef taco salad.

Lady: what kind of meat is in your beef taco salad?

Me : Beef

L: what kind of beef?

Me: Beef, ground beef seasoned with taco seasoning.

L: No, I mean is it pork or chicken?

Me: Ma’am, it’s beef, it’s from a cow. It’s beef.

20. The Matchmaker

Can you imagine what kind of animals giraffes f*ck?

Yea dude. Other giraffes.

19. That’s Why It’s Called ‘Tubing,’ Right?

Working for a rafting company I’m asked far too often at the end of the float if we are back at the start. Rivers don’t flow in god damn circles!

18. So Much Culture In Such A Small Space

If it was possible to even land a plane on Japan because it’s so small.

Because, you know, maps are a 1:1 description of the world :/

17. Deal Of The Century

For context, I work in a phone shop.

Customer: What is this? (Hands me his bill)

Me: This is your bill.

Customer: But I already paid it.

Me: Well then, don’t worry about it.

Customer: No, I mean I paid it last month.

Me: Oh, this is just your second bill then.

Customer: BUT I ALREADY PAID IT!

Me: Last month’s bill, yes. This is your next bill.

Customer: YOU MEAN THEY KEEP SENDING THESE EVERY MONTH?

Me: … yes … that’s what a phone contract is. You signed a contract for 2 years didn’t you?

Customer: Yeah.

Me: So you will get a bill each month for 2 years then.

Customer: WHAT A RIP OFF!!!

He legit thought he would only get a single $90 bill for his brand new iPhone over the entire 2 years of his contract…

18. You Poor Man

I have a buzz cut. A guy at work recently asked, dead seriously “Do you cut your hair? Or does it only grow that long?”

…?

17. If Only Bangs Grew OUT That Fast

I got a haircut with bangs when I was around 13 and, when I showed up to school the next day, one of my classmates asked me how I grew them so fast.

16. Why, Not How

When I was in college and my flatmate saw my room he asked me in all seriousness: “why is your toilet so clean?”.

15. The Oil Is The Healthy Part!

Someone was placing an order once at my family’s restaurant, and they had asked me for a side of French fries without the potatoes. I assumed she was joking, so I laughed…she wasn’t joking. She got offended and left the restaurant lol

14. Life Is The Prank

First day working a tech support job, I answer a phone call from a woman whose laptop won’t turn on. She’s at the airport trying to get some work done and is very frustrated because she had been working for several hours during a layover and the laptop suddenly shut off. I asked her if she had the laptop plugged in when it shut off, or if she was just running it on the battery. “It can be plugged in? I thought it was supposed to be wireless.”

I honestly thought I was being pranked because I was the new guy. After a lengthy pause to decide if this was a serious call, I advised her to try plugging it in. Laptop turned on, she was amazed that it didn’t just recharge itself when she wasn’t using it.

13. Excel As A ‘Special Skill’

My current boss asked me to “make the pages smaller” so she can see all of them” she had excel zoomed in to 200% and thought I was just sending things in font 46. This person has been in her position for 12 years. Ugh

12. Every Continent Gets Its Own Moon

Not me, but our safari guide in South Africa said he once heard a woman ask her husband, “Honey, is that the same moon we see in Texas?”

11. This Is Money Management

Literally had a guy ask me yesterday “if I hit the cash back button, does the money come out of my account?”

Dude was like 30 and he thought cash back was just…free money I guess?

10. No One Understands The Moon

“A full moon only happens once every 10 years, right?”

9. The Perfect Free Nipple Piercing Scam

I’m a postpartum nurse. A patient asked me “when will the doctor be here to pierce my nipples so I can breastfeed?”

8. You’re Not Right

I once asked someone to look to the left of something on her screen. She asked “My left or your left?”

We were both facing the same direction.

7. Birds Of A Feather

While working as a butcher, I showed a deli clerk how to break down a whole chicken into pieces. I show her, “two breasts, two wings, two legs, two thighs.” she looks at me and asks, “which part does the turkey come from?”

6. Guac Is Extra, Lettuce Is Unheard Of

The guy ahead of me asked the Chipotle employee, “What’s ‘lay-tuck-ee’?”

It was lettuce. He asked what lettuce was.

5. She’s Got You There

My twenty-something daughter asked why we never see squirrel eggs. Us parent types responded that’s because squirrels are mammals and don’t lay eggs like birds do. To which she responded, then show me an infant squirrel / “breastfeeding” squirrel.

This led to a conversation that was much longer than needed to be.

4. Slowly

“How did we build the mountains?” – my brothers fiance, while we drove through the rockies

3. That’s How You Keep Prices Low

The insurance company asked if there was a chance that my dad’s amputated leg would grow back.

2. Back To The Future Geneology

Did your grandpa ever have any kids?

1. True Innovation

While eating a chicken pot pie, my friend asked me why they didn’t make pies with fruit in them instead.

….like regular ass pies.

Sometimes stupid ideas are just the ideas you need.